i hope i don't lose any readers....

but i truly hate spiders. i know one isn't supposed to "hate", but really, i absolutely hate spiders.
and somehow i think they know it.
i'm not sure where my hatred of spiders came from, but lately it seems to be magnified.
i seem to be un-naturally attracted to spiders, with an odd sense of "spidey" vision. really, i do. i can spot a spider emerging from a hiding place from a freakish distance. i think i might actually be able to sense spiders when they are in my presence.
but still, at every appearance of a spider my blood runs cold and chills overwhelm my body and i think it must be on me.
which reminds me. i would kindly love to stop shedding like a mad woman, because every tiny hair that leaves my head and floats to my arms runs panic through my bones. and quite to often sam and the kids wonder why i am doing an odd arm waving dance.
lately spider time has gotten worse. ever since the stairs to our laundry went in and we were able to utilize our "first" garage as a family/play room i have been on high stress alert for those 8 legged monsters. you see, the family room has a throw rug on the concrete- but everything else is concrete, with some brief exposure to the outside. it is a great deal cooler in the family room, but it comes at a great cost to me to be done here enjoying it. i am constantly awaiting for emerging horror. and so far, i have found one almost every day.
its the worst when the kids have their toys everywhere, strung on the floor. because i just know (and have been been proven correctly) that when i go to grab a toy to put in its home that it will cause a scattering of spider to race away.
growing up, my bedroom was in a basement. converted basement i should say. our laundry room was not finished. i think i finally begged my parents for the attic bedroom because of my fear of spiders (and my growing addiction to the fumes of bug spray). one memory will always stand out it my mind. i was hanging out in my room and from the corner of the wall a huge spider crept on the floor. i grabbed my spray and went nuts. as i was moving something out of the way a SECOND spider appeared, equally huge, requiring even more spray.
it was awful.
the laundry room in our home growing up with unfinished, with stairs that led to our carport and concrete steps. hanging webs would loom. and because this was a basement laundry room and far away from the rest of the house we maintained a strict "drop dirty clothes on the floor" and let them wildly pile up. when i was taught how to do laundry, i can remember the horrid fear that would arise when you would grab dirty clothes from the floor and pray that nothing would be moving on them or under them.
usually there was.
i will never know how my mother, who did the vast majority of our laundry handled this. was she not afraid of spiders? or did she maintain a level of bravery just for her children's sake.
my sister had the worst experience. when our laundry was clean, it was folded and stacked and left on a counter in the laundry room. apparently my sister had grabbed clothes to wear and left for school. it wasn't until later in the morning when she had removed her sweatshirt in class did she realize perched upon her chest was an inhabitant of our basement laundry room.
and now, my laundry is in a basement. i have returned to concrete floors and fear of leering guests.
i am ashamed to admit that in our family room/play room/laundry room that i have sent my children to the front of the battle field. blame it on the growing belly and exhaustion (cause its really a handy excuse for this) but i simply perch myself on the couch- after investigating it carefully for anything that moves- and with a shoe in my hand (for squashing) i carefully instruct my children on what toys to pick up, what clothes to throw in the hamper, etc.
all the while prepared to attack anything that has attached itself to a toy.
i am a woos.
and i think the spiders are retaliating against me. the other morning when i went to finish a purse i was sewing, i started to iron out the fabric and a tiny little baby spider scampered across the fabric- quickly, to meet its twin.
2 baby spiders on my fabric, which were quickly met by a third. of course this had me scaling the walls searching for more, the dead fear in my heart that an egg had somehow hatched without my knowing.
and can you even imagine how disgusting it would have been if i had ironed a spider into my fabric.
yuck.
the very next morning i noticed a bigger "momma" spider in the curtain of the same room. luckily sam was on his way home and was able to assist me in the removal of that visitor.
needless to say, i truly despise spiders. i really don't like many bugs in general. but i am frustrated by spiders, because ultimately i do see their purpose- to kill the other bugs.
but why God? why?
a talking cucumber once asked a grape (who was acting as an angel) if God ever makes mistakes. this wise grape answered no, never.
but in his mind, "the jury's still out on spiders."
truer words.
and yes. i did just write an entire post on why i hate spiders.

finished

that's right, i somehow finished.
it wasn't easy. and i lost motivation a lot. and honestly, i had finished many days ago, but it seemed moving the fabric from our bedroom to the 2nd kitchen was just an impossible task.
however, it was finally moved. and i hate to admit it, but i did move it myself- something i regretted moments later, and hours later as i found my energy completely zapped and myself really out of breath.
stupid pregnant lady that i am.
so here's what i came up with- feel free to breeze through this, as it might not be super stimulating to all of you.
these 3 tubs- the top tub consists of solid colored fabrics.
middle tub is all of my felt and i believe some fleece.
bottom tub is holiday fabric and gingham/polka dots that i was given from a friend.

and in these 3 (well 4, but you only see the top of the bottom tub) tubs:
top is all my interfacing, tracing paper, batting and more essentials like that. i kept it on top because i knew that i would need easy access to it.
the 2nd tub from the top is fabric that i have that is still uncut. meaning, i haven't used it for a project yet- it most likely ranges from 1 yard to 3 1/2 yards.
third tub- all the fabric that i have for children projects.
and the un-pictured bottom tub is another tub full of fabric i haven't cut into. i have a lot of beautiful fabric just waiting to be used :)
ok, i am very proud of these next 3 tubs (pictured above) and this is where my total inner geek will come out. its either geek or crazy "monica" mentality.
you pick.
so, these 3 tubs are basically organized scraps.
in the top tub it is all scraps that are small enough to be used for tiny projects- if i ever quilt, or make log cabins, or need little pieces for embellishments or applique.
the middle tub is bigger cuts of fabric- almost fat quarter sizes, in fact- this is where you would find all of my fat quarters. any fabric that i have already used by still has a good 1/4 to 1/2 yard left in it was folded and placed in here.
the bottom tub. is well, medium sized scraps. anything that i would use for bigger applique or coffee sleeves or embroidery uses.
and that's it. i left myself a walkway. i put the tubs of scraps out front because i will need to put scraps in it as they come, and also, i have a very difficult time cutting into fabric. its almost painful. so i usually go for the scraps first in a desperate attempt to find a 1 yard out of 1/2 a yard.
and i guess technically there are 2 more tubs. i moved them down to our hall closet. one consists of fabric that will be used soon(ish) or at least has an intended purpose. the other tub is full of my un-finished projects.
well that's about it. i am quite happy this is done. maybe i'll clean up the sewing area and show you how its changed too!

am i taking crazy pills?

cause it feels like i'm taking crazy pills.
why else would i think this:

was a good idea?

in case you can't tell (or are currently now in the fetal position crying 'why mary, why?) that is my fabric "stash" (other appropriate words:collection, obsession, monstrosity) and i decided that it was as good of a time as any to go through it.
i could probably list of about 30 other things i could have been doing. and then 60 other things that should be getting done. you know, because there's a new baby coming.
but, i wanted to send some fabric to my good friends aaron and emily who are in the process of adopting a baby, and emily is selling various items at her etsy store: the tulip patch and i thought i could easily help by sending some fabric their way (all proceeds from her etsy store go towards their adoption- and if anyone is looking to get me a baby present-which is not necessary- i'd love one of her cloth high chairs).
apparently to "find" fabric, i had to go through that whole mess.
i worked on it for about 10 minutes before becoming completely unmotivated. sam came upstairs to check on me, and i told him, "i'm not motivated anymore" and he surveyed the room and said, "oh geez, i hope not".
it was awfully nice of him to move ALL of that fabric out of our "second" kitchen (which doubles as a sleeping nook for babies and as a fabric room and is where our elliptical machine is so you can just imagine how easy it would be for me, nearly 9 months pregnant to navigate in it).
and as i was sorting through the fabric he did watch all the kids so i could be uninterrupted.
about an 1 hour into it, i was happy, i do love fabric.
about 1 hour and 1 minute, i was fed up. apparently i have been buying fabric like it was going out of style. also, i think i was purchasing fabric for my alter ego- you know, the person who has all the time in the world to do nothing but sew and create, and sew and create, and sew and create. its never a good sign when you realize you can categorize your SCRAPS into 3 separate tubs.
about 2 hours into it, i stopped for lunch.
then went back to it until sam had to leave for a meeting.
its to hot to be up there now, but when the sun sets, and i can stick a fan in the window, pop a movie on my computer, i have every intention of finishing it up.
i'm sure you can't wait to see :)

sprints

that's kind of what i am calling my quick jaunts in the house: sprints. i am containing all of the cool air inside our dining room- perhaps when i take the time to vacuum up the popcorn,cheerios, graham crackers and other miscellaneous treasures from the floor and clean up the rest of the craziness i will take a picture so all of you can see just where my days are being had.
anyways- air in the dining room. i'm sort of installing a "quick, close the door" mantra for the rest of the family. i am finding that if i can sort of sprint (if you will) from small task to task and then immediately retreat to the cool of the dining room, my spirits are not as quickly diminished.
this worked saturday afternoon, but only when i had divided the children up. you see, the second i leave them alone, they become slightly less calm and loving then i'd like towards each other. so i usually have to stop what i am doing and race back to break up whatever disagreement has occurred (usually campbell yelling at mason to stop growling- she likes to growl- or mason getting upset that campbell has his feet on her chair- yup, we've got real problems here).
this is partly why i want to get up early in the morning, so that i can get up and get a few of my many cleaning projects done. then i think when i let the kids watch an afternoon heat movie (sam told me that in 95 degree heat at 8 1/2 months pregnant he isn't expecting parenting of the year, just that i'm attentive, loving, and here- i can do that) and maybe sew a little.
ok. i promise, no more posts about my cleaning desires and heat. unless of course i wake up tomorrow with central a/c and a personal live-in maid, that would definitely be post worthy.

**i wrote this post saturday afternoon- the kids stayed saturday night at sam's parents (thank you!) and i was able to get in 2 solid hours of uninterrupted cleaning. there is still a lot to do, but i think if i can get up an hour earlier than the kids for the next couple of mornings, i can slowly get it done.

6 weeks to go, really?

pregnancy and the heat. not my recommended combination to anyone. and i will do all in my power to make sure this never happens to me again. give me my march/april/december due dates any day. the end of august. in california. in a non air-conditioned home.
ugh.
not that i'm saying a 5th baby is in our future. but sam and i are wise enough to stop saying "we are done" because it pretty much gets us pregnant every time.
i need a better system for managing the heat. right now all the kids and i are hauled up in my dining room- that's where the ac is. they've been having a snack and watching a movie. i really detest letting them watch movies through out the day, because it really creates little zoned out monsters.
i think i just need little small goals for every morning. if i can wake myself up early enough- like 5- and get a couple of cleaning or organizing projects done, and get dinner made (or at least ready to bake) then i can focus from like 7 ish on, only on the kids- schooling, projects, books, etc. from there we can really move as the heat moves throughout the house, finding cool pockets.
then in the afternoon, when some are napping, we can surround ourselves around the a/c and probably watch a movie, or something. i don't know.
i'm not trying to be a "debbie downer" it's just i am so behind in so many things. our house is really messy, i haven't cooked in awhile, and everything floating around in my brain to do, just isn't getting done.
i just need to catch up. what i really need, is my kids to be somewhere else from like 4 am to 10 am, then i could have that 6 hour window to CLEAN. once my house is clean, i can maintain it. right now, i can't- i'm struggling to try and get the basic projects done (you know, mold in the bathroom, a pink toilet from not washing it in a month, a kitchen floor that is disgusting, and a half organized family room that has no resemblance of organized).
i have a hard time functioning in mess. but right now, in the 3 pm heat of the day, i am resolved to perch in front of my ac, and watch my kids be calm and cool watching veggie tales.
maybe i will put crayons in front of them, so they at least are doing something else as well.

been up to

well, i kind of thought i would have to sit down and really catch up on all the brilliance i have been doing. then i checked my pictures and realized i haven't done quite as much as i thought. i went through a sewing whirlwind before i left for my trip up north, and took some photos of things, but not of everything.
oh well, it hasn't been to crazy to blog, i just- haven't. and now, it "should" be 6 weeks till the baby comes, and my long list of things that i would love to accomplish is growing as fast as the weeds in my yard. and my weeds are tall. and unruly. and i have zero energy to go out in this horrible heat and try and tackle them. my list grows almost as much as sam's "honey-do" list, which he has just as much energy for as he's been working 60 hours week.
we are wiped.
and even as i write this post, my brain is going in way to many directions:
why is it still hot, even in the room that is supposed to have ac.
where did campbell just run off to with his nigh nigh's- can i take a nap too?
why don't i have the energy to sew?
why does my sciatic muscle have to bother me while standing or sitting?
the table in front of me is covered in mess.
the floor below me is covered in nasty food.
how is it still 3 hours till sam comes home?
oh, i hate this heat.
maybe sam will want to go to target?
writing this post is putting me to sleep.
i need to make so many lists.
if campbell's going to finish his kindergarten year in january, what should i do with him after that? try and get him enrolled in a charter school, or keep doing our own thing....
the ac in here sounds like it is working way to hard.
i think i might take a book and go downstairs and read, maybe nap with campbell.
what are the chances the kids will stay asleep till sam gets home?

ok, i seriously have wanted to delete this post about 50 times. so, to close the mindless dribble that has become my brain, i'll include a few photos over the last month (ish) of life and try to come back later with something more exciting.

a wall in my mom's garden

the back of a dress i made for mason

the front of the dress i made for mason, have i posted these before?

a tiny little purse i made for a friend, my own design, but nothing special let me tell you.

a whole group of coffee sleeves i made.

you might not believe this, but in the time it took me to write this boring post for all of you, sam came home early! like 2 1/2 hours early!
i am a happy girl.

intentions

i know, i know- over a month and nothing. i fully intend to sit down and put up some really fun blogs for all to read, but first i had to come on and change a little something.
i have been getting non-stop comments from some foreign place- japan? korea? china? i don't know, i don't understand it at all, and i am getting it ALL the time. it's frustrating because i am believing that some of it is spam.
soooooo- i am going to switch my comments to post after i view them first. nothing personal, and all real comments will be posted.
just thought i'd let you know... i'll be back, soon- for more blogs.