new years resolutions.

i have purposely not mentioned my new years resolutions. and why? it was inspired by a truly silly reason but one that later made sense to me. i received a fortune from a cookie awhile back and it said something to this affect:

speak less of your plans and they will be accomplished.

and it just resonated with me. instead of taking all the time to name off all the things i hope to do, i should just spend the time doing them. not that new years resolutions listed off are a bad thing, but i think i would rather mention them as they are accomplished.
or when they are stupidly messed up.
i had wanted to follow a "take a picture every day" kind of thing, and 16 days in and i have already missed. i unexpectedly stayed later at sam's parents yesterday than planned, and i completely forgot until about 5 am this morning that i hadn't taken a picture.
i'm a little bummed. okay, a lot bummed. but there might be a chance that sam took a picture sometime yesterday. if not, i may be asking around for a picture.
it would be a long post, but perhaps i will put up some of the pictures every month, and then link the rest to a flickr account? the picture at the top, my 1-4-11 picture. be prepared, most of these pictures will be of my kids. or food. or random things in my house that make me happy.
i don't get out a lot. and getting our more, is not one of my resolutions.
there are more resolutions. and more that i continue to make up and add. when they are accomplished, i will let you know.
as for now, my computer is running painfully slow (i have about a zillion to many pictures on it) and tomorrow i've got a gal coming to watch the kids while i learn how to defend myself. and to help her defend herself against the kids, i should at least attempt to have it clean in here.
right?

moments in the kitchen.

while in the kitchen this afternoon two things happened. a moment of genius followed by the realization that i am quite stupid. and a quick moment of second thinking.
how does genius turn to stupid so quick? i love hummus. there is a trader joe's version of hummus that i find quite wonderful. but our trader joe's is 45 minutes away. not practical for a quick jaunt down to pick some up. i have a recipe for hummus, and even though sam says its "great" i truly despise it. why? two reasons: its always soooooooo runny, not thick. and the sesame seeds that the recipe calls for never puree all the way.
that kind of rhymed.
when i was at grocery outlet yesterday i picked up a couple of bags of pretzel thins for 99 cents. great deal. but i really wanted hummus for them. i have to be really careful about the hummus we buy cause of MSG. so i opted to not buy some and resolved to make some again.
well, as i was prepping my ingredients i had this moment of genius:

i can change what i hate about my hummus!

i don't have to put sesame seeds in the hummus, and i can reduce the amount of liquid and add it slowly to get my desired consistency.
genius!
and then:
stupid! why haven't you been doing this all along you silly twit?
i am often way to chained to a recipe and believe i cannot deviate at all.
anyways, the hummus turned out very well. and while i still like trader joe's better, it is a fine substitute (and probably cheaper and healthier).
and now for my quick moment of thinking:
i was getting henry's lunch ready and had sat his bowl down onto of my toaster. i then proceeded to start pouring applesauce into the bowl and quickly stopped, thinking, "how on earth will i clean applesauce out of the toaster if it misses the bowl?"
catastrophe averted.
for now.

a little bit from the past.

i've got a bad combo going on right now. restless boredom when there are a zillion things i could be working on. and a desire to eat when i don't really think i am hungry. but that late night mental notion of i want to simply veg and snack. i think that might be the worst combo.
not like cookies and milk (which i want) or frozen yogurt with cheesecake chunks (which i also want).
so, while i wait for my water to boil so i can have a cup of my favorite tea and try to convince myself i don't need to eat (wait a sec, was that a hunger pain?) i thought i'd pop on and try to share a post and get out of my posting every other month habit.
so we returned from our great adventure up north and came home to a mad whirlwind of events. hosting Bible study at our house (the next day after driving 13 odd hours) then other obligations out of the house (which i now can't remember) and then my big event of december: my handmade holiday party.
this was my second year throwing this shin-dig, and it is a lot of fun. basically i invite all the women i know- and tell them to invite all the women they know, and everyone is supposed to bring a handmade gift (and an appetizer or dessert because eating is a lot of fun). then we exchange white elephant style. i decided to throw this type of party because i just love to give gifts and realized i couldn't give a handmade gift to everyone i love. so i thought that by throwing this party we could all celebrate together.
now obviously because i host this party i had my handmade gift prepared weeks before the night.
wait. no.
but i had a fun idea, and i knew it "wouldn't" take to long.


this was my Christmas wreath. i actually made 2. the first one (which after scrolling through all my pictures) i didn't take a picture of. i kept the first one. because i really loved the colors i used, and i wanted it. i'm sorry, but its the truth.
the greatest thing about making this wreath (which wasn't nearly as amazing as some of the other gifts exchanged) was that as i was creating the wreath i had a special helper.
my little mason. she wanted to help hold the fabric while i ripped it, wanted to talk about the fabric, and when i gave her her own pile of fabric she would throw it up in the air and shout, "it's Christmas!". she then declared her pile of fabric as her "decorations" and kept herself busy for hours "decorating" our house. i foresee many years of Christmas creating with her, and am happy to see her sewing/creating juices starting to flow.
since i am toting around a nursing baby, who was also celebrating his first Christmas, i felt it was only natural to try and quickly whip something up for him to wear.

he's happy, really. i just appliqued a quick little tree on a onesie. i have more onesies... i should do more applique.
i love to applique and embroider. love it.
and i love that little man in the picture. to spice things up for Christmas i added a "1" since it was his first Christmas.
oh my goodness, how cute is he? last year on Christmas i was really surprised that i tested "negative" on my pregnancy test. but a few days later i found out i was expecting him. it really puts the year 2010 in perspective for me. maybe not perspective, but it makes it feel more impacting. or crazy. or wonderful.
i'm not sure. but my tea is probably ready to sip now. and i have projects i can be working on.
or i might see if sam wants popcorn.

i do still exist.

sure, 2 months between posts is completely adequate. i have not fallen off the planet. i made it through the made rush of Christmas and presents and baking and cleaning- and well, everything that comes along with that holiday. i also traveled up north with all the kids to spend thanksgiving with my family (and see my first ever football game with my sister and brother-in-law- BEST PRESENT EVER!)
really, my thanksgiving vacation deserves it's own post. so why not flashback in time to 2010?
the Friday before thanksgiving my dad flew down from seattle to help drive me and the kids up. help is kind of a loose word. he did ALL the driving. although, when you have 4 kids in one van it is much much much better to be the driver. because the co-pi has to do all the backseat work.
the plan was to go to portland and spend the weekend with just the little babe and my wonderful sister. that's right, 2 whole days and nights to myself.
it was amazing.
my sis and i stayed at my parents condo and we basically shopped, and shopped, and shopped, and ate. actually, we might have eaten more than we shopped.
we got to see my most favorite crafty blogger in the world, meeting up at a fun restaurant, where we were served awesome appetizers by the oddest waiter. really, he should have been welcoming guests onto disney's tower of terror, not serving delicious food.
now something rather odd happened during our weekend. we were stuck in portland due to the snow. however, there was no snow in portland. basically everywhere else in the world was hit by a snowstorm, except for us. so we couldn't travel to my parents and the kids (they were up by mt. hood) and we couldn't travel north (puyallup) where we would be spending thanksgiving, and with my parents condo's now being rented for thanksgiving, ashley and i were forced to rent a hotel.
really. it was just dreadful. what with hgtv, and more time for shopping.

our hotel room.

the bathroom
i haven't had this much time without my kids in 4 years. the weekend was amazing, but the whole week was fantastic too, because my parents really took over and watched all the kids. it was one of the most refreshing times i have had. i cannot wait till i can do it again.

ashley and i made it home, and the rest of my kids and family made it back to us later that night. i assisted ashley as she made our entire thanksgiving meal. ok, i did help. i ate a lot of sugar cookies and a lot of pie. although i did make my first ever stuffing (thank you pioneer woman) and i was responsible for the baked brie.

hot cocoa break.

decorating sugar cookies.

could there be a cuter picture?

ashley and the best apple pie in the world.

ashley and her beautiful turkey.

with thanksgiving under our belt (and stretching our belts) i took my sister out for her very first black friday event. now we didn't get up at 4 am or anything, instead we started our day at 8 am. we came home around 10 pm. i do not believe i have ever shopped so much in my life.
it was awesome.

steven and i prepping for black friday

the very next day sam flew up to seattle and we went (with the kids) to see some of our very best friends (they have 2 boys Campbell and Henry's ages) in the world. we spent the day with them. i love how when you get back together with old friends nothing really skips a beat, you just jump back into things.
and then, the game. chiefs vs. seahawks. it doesn't always happen, that the team sam and i LOVE and the team my sister and steven LOVE play each other. in seattle (otherwise a flight out to kansas city would be a little unrealistic) of all places.


ash and steven totally spoiled us by getting really amazing seats, and it was absolutely awesome that for the first game we had ever been to that WE WON!
sorry seahawks, but thanks for allowing us to see a victory in person.
and that was the last half of my november. my december was pretty amazing/rushed/busy/fun/stressful. so it really deserves it's own post.

gratefulness

my wonderful friend becky posted today on being thankful. i fear i tend to complain a bit to much in my little space here. and i don't mean to. wait- yes i do, when i open my mouth and complaints come out, that is something that i am intentionally doing. i noticed i do it when i talk as well. someone will pay me a compliment or ask me about something and somehow in my answer a complaint or criticism follows.
like this:
q:"how's the new house?"
a:"oh it's great... i really wish such and such was done, or that we didn't have to such and such...."
q: "the kids are getting big"
a: "yeah, i really wish they would...."

see what i mean. and i really do it way to much.
and i wonder, if i demonstrated a tad more thankfulness in my life, if i would be a tad more happy.
"a thankful heart, is a happy heart". i'm sure that can be found somewhere in the Bible, or a paraphrase at least. but for now, i quote one of my favorite veggie tales: madame blueberry.
that song is really wonderful. and i can't help but think if i broke up arguments with my children by breaking out in that song, if our days wouldn't improve just a little.
or if when i feel the urge to be frustrated with my kids or with sam, if i really stopped and said a silent prayer of thankfulness for them. because really, if they were stripped from my side it would be darn near impossible to find the thankfulness to continue on, so shouldn't i be thanking the Lord everyday that i have them?
or the multitude of other wonderful things that He has continued to bless so unworthy a person such as me?
what if when asked a question, if instead of tagging on a complaint, i always added "God is so good".
i understand the need to complain, the verbal monologue that can pour out of my mouth. maybe, just maybe it would be better to pour that complaining waterfall of thoughts towards the ears of the One who can give me peace. and of course, my trusted friends and loved ones who will guide me back to Him.
thank you becky, for giving me a wonderful dose of inward perspective, i know that the Lord used you to day. i am very thankful for you!

being caught up.

i have just discovered that i will in fact never be caught up. not right now anyways. i sometimes contemplate what it would be like to wipe my plate clean, and just have the kids and Sam and the house. but that's a funny thing to think, because it never is just those things, is it?
and i really am loving the other things that i am doing. but the truth is, i am feeling once again- overwhelmed. like, sit in a corner and shake with hysteria-how do i ever think i will accomplish everything- overwhelmed.
sadly, this little blog is one thing that is easily neglected. maybe if my phone was working i would actually start "tweeting" because i tend to have random one line thoughts many, many times throughout the day.
right now its almost 10:30, which i have been in bed my 10 pm most nights. i am happily sticking to my workout schedule, and very happily shedding the baby pounds. i have been neglecting so many things i just don't know how to get back there.
for someone who prefers to be on top of things, this isn't how i love to live.
the holidays are a busy time. starting an online class on the composition of breastmilk is a challenging subject. preparing for the possibility of a part time job gives me a second to pause and reflect how i spend my time.
i know that i do have obligations and commitments. and i know that i do love making gifts for people. but i also know what i need. i need to be silly with my children and try and not let my brain think about all the things that i need to do. i need to spend time with sam connecting and talking and vegging. i need to expand my brain and read, and pour myself into my relationship with the Lord.
most importantly i need to find the geneticist from the movie mulitiplicty and see if there is anything at all that i can do.....
i hope to share more of the positives of what i've been doing. i did get a little caught up on the blog for the kids. not so much narrating each picture (which i like to do, and need to do to remember all of this in the years to come) but some new ones are coming.
10:33. I really do need to go to bed. i really do need to make a list.
but i don't really have time or the focus.
15 days till i get to have a small vacation in portland, and then a week with my family for thanksgiivng, and then my first (and sam's) ever football game to attend. and getting to spend time with my sister.
and then, my birthday. and holiday fiascos. which just reminded me of something else i have forgotten to do.
maybe a list isn't such a bad idea.
the best idea would be a embedded chip into my brain that automatically listed everything i need to do, by priority......
so apparently i either need to start taking science and technology classes or
i need to give myself a break.

and it's october.

how did that happen? sheesh. and today, my beautiful newborn is 5 weeks. how did THAT happen? it really does feel like yesterday i was staring into his face at the hospital, waiting for sam to come and pick us up. wilder and i enjoyed several hours of alone bliss before we headed home to the zoo, um family, that was awaiting us.
and its been full steam ahead ever since.
i don't have much blog worthy to say tonight. i wanted to post a 5 week shot of my little man, and check in, cause its been a couple of weeks.
how fast weeks fly now.
i really want to do some fall art projects with the kids, hope i can get myself into gear for that. we did make little leaf people (an idea i saw on one pretty thing) that was really quick and easy, and the kids are still playing with their people weeks later. maybe it hasn't been that long. i burnt myself with my hot glue gun when we made them and the burn is still on my wrist.
how long do burns last?
i was planning on going north next weekend, but it isn't going to happen. i need to plan a trip. i have some special people i need to see. and christina, my sister has learned to sew, so she will definitely want to do some fabric shopping in portland (and just oodle at your awesomeness- i saw lunch bags at ben franklin and fought the urge to prop it open to your bag for all shoppers to see!)
tonight i read to campbell out of Charlotte's Web. his attention lasted for 2 chapters and then we had to quit when henry wouldn't stop jumping on me. it was a very special time. i love to read out loud, and soon campbell won't need me too. i mean really soon, his reading is impressing me more and more each day.
mason's turning into a girl more and more each day. she's kissing longer. uh-oh. but really, its cute. she's realized that giving a kiss is a special thing. lately when she goes into take her nap she'll be naughty and get out of bed and cause mayhem (aka waking henry from his much needed naps) but then sometimes i'll peer in at her, undetected, and watch her playing with her dollhouse, or animals, or looking at books, or today- cuddled in bed with all her elephants and having the "mommy" take care of the "baby".
be still my heart.
and then there's henry. he walked around all day today with "that's not my dragon" a book that i bought for campbell years ago. he would only flip between the first two pages, but he carried it around, "reading" it all day. and today as i was nursing wilder, he came up with his book and sat next to us, and kept leaning over kissing wilder's head.
and my baby, my new baby (because henry is still the baby in my heart) nurses like a champ, is being such a good sport about all the gentle love he gets from his siblings, and gives me more sleep at night than i deserve.
when i found out that sam wasn't going to be able to take his 6 weeks off like we had hoped, i knew that being alone with the kids early on would either solidify in my mind that i was done having babies, or make me realize i could handle more.
well, i know i can handle more. both sam and i realize that.
but do we want more.
how's about this: is my sister gets pregnant in the next 6 months, then it will be pretty impossible to resist the urge to have a baby at the same time as her (a month or 2 later obviously) but to have cousins the same age.... and to share a pregnancy with her.....
of course, tomorrow i might be ready to pull my hair out, you never know.
all i know is, i'm getting a quiet few minutes to myself at the craziest time of day, and i have a pretty nice husband to thank for that.
sorry for the random post (although i have real random thoughts to share at another time). i had no real topic in mind when i sat down. and then the fact that my baby is 5 weeks, and it goes so fast, made me want to write down the memories i have of today, because sad as it is, this- blogging, pictures, journaling, is the only way to keep the memories for me.
and they are so precious, i don't want to lose more than i have.