new headphones and louder music.

serena says i'm going to need hearing aids in 10 years. and vera says many people are losing their hearing. and i seriously doubt my ability to follow sign language for long. i mean, henry knows more sign language than i do.
so i bought headphones today, and i almost bought jeans. yes, at the same place. american eagle. a place of good smells, loud music, and an air conditioning system that wasn't working. it was hot. and the sales girl was slightly more interested in helping the young guy find shirts than help me locate a pair of pants that would fit my shapely frame. oh well.
we finished up the Prodigal God at church today. the Prodigal son. its been good. very good. i've heard now all the people who preach at church, preach. it was God's perfect timing when i arrived at this church.
i nice lady named Dottie has me sit with her and her husband. i sing way to loud. i'm afraid the youngsters in front of me are going to turn around and give me a look. so far no one has, and i guess i will just have to deal with it if they do. and by deal, i mean, give them a big smile and keep on singing loud.
i mean, i'm not auditioning for american idol. maybe american duos... Gus?
2 things happened at church.
the pastor talked about Joni Erickson Tada. i've heard her story before. a diving accident left her paralyzed at the age of 17. bruce (the pastor) was saying that here she was 17, lying in bed that first night, unable to move and her best friend in the world came and lay down next to her, and just sung hymns to her. joni later reflected on this, saying that her Heavenly Father had lifted her up in His arms through another's human flesh.
i get that. i so get that. He uses who is He is going to use to bring us radically close to Him. and i'm just going to say thank you. everyone knows how i feel about my serena. but there are others, my family who continues to sacrifice time and energy for me, and my friends, loyal friends who haven't left me, friends that i spend hours with talking too, friends. so i am thankful for the outpouring of love that i have received, and if i haven't been prompt to respond, know that i am doing very well. and that i am thankful.
thing 2 at church. guess who's going to start studying James? could i be more excited? nope. super psyched. SUPER. i mean- i am going through a trial! this is happening right now. and as bruce talked about it, explaining that he knew there were people who were struggling right now with horrible trials, i just thought, hmmm.... i bet there are people worse of than me. i mean, i am feeling God's grace. i am experiencing His love and grace.
i am thankful.
i'm going to share the lyrics to a song that is played consistently at church. i sing it very loud, and i don' t care who hears. i remember 2 weeks ago, this song was played, my eyes were closed, i was singing, and my sweet boy campbell was reading the lyrics to me.
seriously.

Your Grace is Enough.

Great is Your faithfulness oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters in to mercy
And nothing can keep us apart

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Great is Your love and justice God of Jacob
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Your salvation
And all Your people sing along

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Your grace is enough
Heaven reaching down to us
Your grace is enough for me
God I see your grace is enough
I'm covered in your love
Your grace is enough for me
For me

my Gus, my Jonathan.

my dear Serena,

i have started a blog post about you a couple of times. and nothing was really being worded correctly. and so then i thought- hey, why not just write you a letter? i mean, its not like you and i communicate contstanly or anything. i mean, sure, a lot of our communication is done through goofy emoticons throughout the day. you know, hearts, dancing cat girls, koalas and sunflowers.
i've blogged about you before. because that's pretty much how much you rock my life.
but lately, you have pretty much gone above and beyond the call of being a best friend. and i am so thankful to the Lord for you. how could i have gotten through this last month and a week of my life without you? how???
you know how much i love a birthday. and i'm really bummed that i stole all the attention of your birthday this year. i hate being a selfish friend with you. and here it was, your birthday, and what were you doing? well, first of all, coming to my aid as i was sick and had been left alone with 4 children. you have such a servants heart- even if you don't believe it. and then, when i told you my suspicions, you didn't leave my side. you didn't leave my side. that was tremendous. because i was a mess, and you knew i was a mess. and in any phenomenal friendship, when one friend is hurting the other just steps in and takes care of it. and you did. you took care of my children like a sister would, you listened to me talk over and over again. you made sure i ate. and even when i was a panic, you were a soft reminder, "it might not be as bad as you think it is".
soothing, soft words.
i think how funny it is that i met you at starbucks. i mean, shouldn't that place bare horrible memories for me? but how can it? through starbucks the Lord brought me you.
my favorite thing about where our friendship is now, is how we can seriously communicate without speaking. and not in the goofy way they make fun of in bridesmaids- we seriously can communicate without speaking. of course, usually when we don't speak and just look at each other it instantly brings about laughter.
oh my goodness, have i laughed harder with anyone else? i should really print out the endless pages of google chats we have shared. but i don't think i can afford the printer ink for that.
you let me bounce all of my idiotic ideas off of you. all of them.
you are my sounding board.
you hear me tell the same stories over and over again. and then over and over again.
you check in on me.
you love me. and in that David and Jonathan way. that total trust and lay down your life kind of love. i know it, cause i feel it for you.
and the hardest thing about being in washington is missing you. hugging those sweet girls good-bye at starbucks. missing them.
we can always modify plan y. we can.
and make cinnamon rolls in heaven.
our friendship had grown so much this last year. a lot of loss, a lot of pain, a lot of challenges as being a mother and being a wife. and we had each other, to encourage each other, and talk things out.
and we do like to bake together. and talk about food. in fact, it would be pretty fair to assume that 20% of our talking was just about what we wanted to eat.
outside of my 4 beautiful children, you are the best thing to come out of 10 years of pain and lies. and i'd go through another 10 years if it meant i would have you as my best friend.
you are my Jonathan in how deep i know you care.
you are my Gus in how much utter goofy fun we have together. i mean... seriously... those late night google chats. seriously. i'm just nodding. that's all i can do.
you are also my Gus in that you do all the driving. even we when we are staking out people.
you drove me home. to my family. i ran to you, my friend, when the Lord took my life and flipped it upside down. but He didn't flip you. you were there. constant, consistent, loyal and faithful. and even with some mama bear/baby cubs furry.
you stayed up all night with me, and basically didn't leave my side until that train came to take you away.
there is no way i can tell you adequately how much i love you. i trust you with my deepest thoughts and my deepest dreams. you know my heart.
i am so thankful for you. so thankful. even though you may not think it true, i see more of who i want to be when i look at you. i am encouraged by you and your heart.
not everyone gets a friend like this. a friend who sticks this close. iron sharpening iron.
and even 2 states away, it hasn't changed us. you still make me laugh harder than anyone. you still send me emoticons, you still listen to me talk and cry.
the first week in washington i barely remember, but i do see you in the memories, there. always there.
it takes a certain woman to calmly drive a broken woman and her 4 loud children 12 + hours in a van... straight through.
i am looking forward to this next stage of our friendship. i am thankful that i have you. and i hope that i can be half as good of a friend to you, as you are to me. lately its been all about me, and i kinda hate that. less attention for the dorky red head please.
and you want to know something cool? if the Lord allows it, and i get remarried- you get to be in my wedding! even if its just a small little affair. how super cool is that? i mean really?
i know you aren't a lover of attention- at all- and so you will probably be a little red in the face over this, but please.
how can i not tell everyone in the world how i am so very lucky? i mean, look how much the Lord loves me? 6 1/2 years ago He brought you into my life so that at this time- right now- i would have a loyal, loving, terrific friend you would be at my side. He just loves me so much. God's Sovereign plan.
this blog post really doesn't do how awesome i think you are justice. but it will no doubt bring many gals out of the background with the strong desire to be your friend- because you are that amazing-
just remember- you already have a best friend.
me. Shawn. the one who always has something ridiculous to say out of my mouth and can quote most tv shows. and the David to your Jonathan. i'm not sure why i picked you as Jonathan, and me as David.
let me know if you want to switch.
i love you, my dear friend. thank you for how much you sacrificed this last month, and how you showed me Christ's love through the way you served me and my children.

gracias.

well, its about that time of night when my gratitude becomes overly obnoxious.

132) blue embroidery floss that looks pretty on a ivory fabric.

133) painless tattoos.... aka... the little doodles i draw over my hands.

134) having dinner and wine with my dad. he always makes me laugh.

135) face-timing with 4 little ones.

136) technology in general. it makes me happy.

137) driving around in my brother's volkswagen cabriolet. way,way,way to much fun. and it didn't help me feel any less 16.

138) speaking of feeling 16- when you reconnect with a girlfriend you haven't seen since you were 16, that pretty much settles you back in your youth. i love you Kate! your beautiful face brought me unspeakable amounts of joy today. whiskey sours soon!

139) finding myself in the Lord.

140) finding myself outside of the darkness. i might be cool..ish.

141) looking on my bed and seeing many things made by my best friend.

142) the youthful face i apparently possess. its always nice to be asked how high school is going.

143) loyal friends-Vera, Serena, and many more, who text you when they want you to know they love you.

144) sweet Lisa and her beautiful heart.

145) blue fingernail polish.

146) glasses. we need them to see. we need them to drink. they are quite useful. if anyone knows were i left mine, i'd be quite happy to get them back.

147) SALVATION. i get to spend eternity being happier than i can ever imagine, worshiping my Lord.

148) getting lost in downtown Tacoma, and not caring. letting the patience that the Lord is teaching me start to really sink in.

149) getting free coffee refills. even after i spill coffee on a "lead barista".

150) i'm thankful for the reassuring text i received tonight. an answer to pray, i don't mean to worry, but i am thankful that things are okay.

151) songs that build.

152) my brother Paul. he's coming home. i'm starting to get oddly excited.

153) i'm really thankful for my hair. i know that sounds stupid. but its a color that not a lot of people have, and i'm really thankful that the Lord gave me something different.

154) i'm just happy. i am so happy. the pain and confusion has past. i don't like hearing more truths, but the happiness doesn't go away. its there. consistent.

155) my Bible reading plan. i just love what i am learning in the Word. i just love reading the Word. and i'm thankful for the tree that is on the front of my Bible.

156) air-drumming and a bedroom door that locks :)

i would hate to shatter any illusions.

so here it is. i'm not perfect. i am pretty much as far from perfect as a person could get. and i would never want this little bit of blog space to be an false representation of that. of me.
in the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. but someone will say, "you have faith; I have deeds" show me your faith without deeds and i will show you my faith by what i do. james 2: 17-18
i have been excused of not truly loving a fellow person as a brother/sister in Christ, and "i don't know your heart, all i have is your words and i believe our mouth says what's in the heart"
so. what is in my heart?
this is know for sure. my desire is to serve the Lord. it is almost a desperate desire. i am so thankful for way He has rescued me from the darkness that i just want to give Him everything that i have. my life has been forever changed. i look back through pictures from the past couple of years and i can just see a radiant change in my face. i am smiling like i am on some kind of drug. its light. i have so much light in my life now.
i am seeking the Lord every day. i am spending time in His Word. i am putting His Word close to my heart. and i am talking about Him. praying to Him. well, i journal a lot. my hearts desire is for my life to show Him the glory He deserves.
that is my heart for the Lord.
but. i am not perfect. so terribly not perfect. guess i need a Savior, right?
my greatest failings right now?
~ my stress level seems to have no buffer zone. depositing my kids into sam's moms arms this weekend caused a lot of stress and anxiety for me. cause it represented the first time that the separation was meaning me being separated from my kids. not that i couldn't have stayed with donna and jess. cause i can. but i can't. i'm just not ready for that. i'm not going to apologize for this. i don't believe it is a permanent condition of my heart. but come on, my life for the last 10 years has just radically changed. i have changed.
that being said, i really hate how my stress level is jumping all over the place. because it means i am not using any of the fruits of the spirit. and i don't like that. patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness. i need those things to be what come out of me. that is what i want.
~ my language. i'm not liking how with the same tongue that wants to sing of God's goodness in my life is still struggling with dropping the f-word in conversation. of course, i'm not just using the f-word like i'm a character in a trashy comedy. my blood can start to boil, and it seems to just sort of spill out of me. and it doesn't need to. it really doesn't need to. i can have joy and love be what comes out of me, while still telling my story.
~ my struggling feelings with sam.
ok, so he's the one telling me that i am not loving him like a Christian brother. i am not typing this here in my blog as a means for people to pick up their pitch forks and start jabbing at him.
this is what happened: i went out to dinner with a good friend, i had one too many beers (yes, serena's attempts to fatten me up with baking has worked, but when you drink one beer in 5 minutes flat without food on your stomach.... well, you don't feel bad.) and was told an unsettling story. basically, about a year into our marriage, sam had invited one (that i know of) girl back to our apartment late in the evening for beers and to listen to music. something happened. she's saying one thing, he is saying another thing. he is mad at me for not believing him. he is mad that i am getting the way of his recovery from his problems.
and i told him- i texted him- that i hated him.
in the moment, no, not my smartest text. because i do not want to be a woman who hates. i want to fill my life with loving the Lord.
well, sam was all over this. he clung to this text and basically gave me the my mouth speaks what is in my heart, and kind of made me feel like i am being a phony in my declaration of my love for the Lord.
you know what. it SUCKS that i am still having to hear about crap that sam has done. it SUCKS that he can't sit down and be COMPLETELY honest. because all i want is all of the truth. and i have to realize, i am never going to get that.
do i hate him? well, he thinks i do. and he will know read this blog and be even angrier at me.
but you know what, i need to be honest here in my space. and i need to be able to talk about my struggles. yes, i hate that i have to keep find out stuff. i hate what he did. i do not want to be with him.
and am i struggling with my anger towards him? well, when i learn new things it really does set me back. this is the honest truth: i do not desire to have hate growing in my heart towards him. the truth- i've been through quite an ordeal, my entire life did just flip upside down. i had basically been a frog slowly boiling in water, and thankfully the Lord got me out before i died. but, it feels like every time i am shown more of the lies its like i dip my foot back in that boiling water- and it makes me angry, it hurts, and instead of breaking down into a sobbing mess (which i do still do) i get very angry.
i do NOT want to be angry. i don't.
sam wants to know why i can demonstrate grace for Cedar but not for him.
well, that's a good question.
i'm not going to be able to talk to Cedar anymore. and i would ask that those who are faithful in prayer would pray for her. she feels like she is in the middle of a bad situation. when she tells me that " i'm having a really hard time right now. being in between you two is making my nerves go crazy, i'm being told different things by both of you. and i want to believe both of you".
well. what i gather from this, is that sam is still talking to her. and i don't know what he is saying to her, i'd be happy to tell you what i say to her. i tell her i forgive her, that i pray for her, that she is dear to my heart, that i am here for her. and i try and listen to her and how she is doing with all of this, because it has not been easy for her.
seriously, my heart breaks for her. it really does. and why? because while i have my Savior, i know the truth, i am protected in my Father's arms and i am experiencing His love as He dishes it out in wonderfully creative ways, i don't know where she is at.
but i don't want to cause her pain, i don't want to hurt her. so i trust that the Lord is in control, and i will continue to pray. sam is mad that i am talking to her. he's mad that i won't give him grace.
well. he's still not been completely honest with me.
this is NOT a bad mouth sam post. it isn't.
i am struggling. i am actively working on my forgiveness. i everyday need my Savior to bring me closer to Him.
and you know what. i am NOT perfect. but i am striving to be more like Jesus. i want to love the way He wants me to love. i want to bring Him glory.
so i know that i need to work more towards what He wants me to do.
and so, when i am being told that out of my mouth comes the motives of my heart- i would answer with this: i am trying. this isn't easy for me. i am trying. my heart has been seriously controlled and manipulated and hurt, and as i am being changed and molded by my Father into the woman He wants me to be, i would ask that everyone remember it isn't instantaneous. and i will not sit on the high horse of this blog and pretend that i am something i am not.
i am trying.
and this:
therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. (i am hoping in the glory of God) Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured our his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:1-5
would you note how it says produces. not produced. meaning that i am not supposed to be instantly perfect- but produces- i am working on it. i am trying.
so. i will be actively seeking the Lord so i am not easily stressed, but instead easily calmed by His truth and love. i will be actively seeking the Lord so that i am not so prone to speak ugly words, but let my voice be something that brings Glory to Him. and i will be actively seeking the Lord so that i am not cultivating hate in my heart towards sam. i think the best thing that i can do in that regard is know this: i will only know the truth that comes from the Lord. He will be honest with me. He loves me.
there is a sky that i fell through.
and i am okay, well better than okay.
but not perfect.

the darkness and happiness.

i'm not 30. it just can't be possible. i'm air drumming for crying out loud. i throw in my earbuds and dance around my bedroom. i just can't be 30. not when i feel 16 half the time, not when half the people who see me think i am 23. i just can't be 30. really? how? how is that possible?
i'm just so spry.

but i'm thankful. i'm thankful, i start a new decade of my life focused on the Lord. i'm thankful for the 4 beautiful children that i love.

115) the silly things my children say throughout the day, i can barely remember half of them, and even when i am most frustrated, i think that if i were just to rest in what they say, i would find all my happiness.

116) for fixed and returned computers. missing computers are lame.

117) for the ability to air drum in the privacy of my bedroom.

118) music that still isn't loud enough in my ears, but it makes me happy.

119) for sweet Cedar. her heart makes me happy, i wish i could wrap my arms around her and love on her. i know the pain she feels, and it sucks. and she is sweet and repentant. and so very close to my heart.

120) my friend Courtney for taking me out for beers (3) that's right, i drank 3 beers. how cool am i am?

121) fish tacos. be still my heart. i love fish tacos.

122) my earbuds. and the music that loudly plays in them.

123) i'm thankful my best friend had a wonderful day with her family. i don't know yet if it were wonderful, but i love her to pieces.

124) everyday we get closer to sweet Hope arriving in this world. and that makes me happy.

125) as i hand my children over to visitation with Sam and his family, i realize how much harder this would be if i were still breastfeeding, and i am thankful for God's perfect timing.

126) for the Format. or the band that was the Format, and is now FUN. either way, i love their music. all of it. and it blares in my ears.

127) i'm thankful for the creative brain that the Lord has given me.

128) for being up high on a seesaw, choosing to see the good. all the good. but thankful for the balance that the Lord provides. He loves me.

129) for punching in a dream. i'm punching in a dream, heck, i'm punching in mid air.

130) for hope. i have so much hope. hope in a friendship with Cedar, hopefulness in more truth, hopefulness in the Lord. hope in what He will do with me. not can do- WILL DO!

131) gaining confidence. in Him. in what He will do.

Try

I don't know why, but this song is my go to first song lately. I couldn't understand all the words, which just goes to show how super cool I must have sounded singing it.
and then i found the lyrics. and i think i know now why this is my go to song.
you can listen to it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cRqaqtPDPY

Try
Straylight Run

Well, I am just guessing.

I'm doing my best to make some sense out of senselessness.
I'm talking to my wife,
I'm drinking too much wine.
I'm working on words, music, and melodies.
This is the best, this the worst.
I am the last, I am the first.
I'm placing blame and taking credit in a world I can't control.

I try to find a way just to say what I'm chasing,
Define what I'm making,
Believe what I'm saying.
To fill this space and feel like I belong.

I try to find a way just to say what I'm chasing,
Define what I'm making,
Believe what I'm saying.
To fill this space and feel like I belong.

I feel I have to find some meaning.
I don't think I see any.
I don't know what it is I see at all.
Well, no one's got it right, yeah,
They're just telling lies
Combined with their own special kind of truth.
This is the best, this is the worst.
I am the last, I am the first.
I'm placing blame and taking credit in a world I can't control.

I try to find a way just to say what I'm chasing,
Define what I'm making,
Believe what I'm saying.
To fill this space and feel like I belong.

I try to find a way just to say what I'm chasing,
Define what I'm making,
Believe what I'm saying.
To fill this space and feel like I belong.

When truth is just opinion,
When facts entwine with fiction.
Well, I just keep wondering:
What is there to believe in?

I try to find a way just to say what I'm chasing,
Define what I'm making,
Believe what I'm saying.
To fill this space and feel like I belong.

I try to find a way just to say what I'm chasing,
(When truth is just opinion)
Define what I'm making,
Believe what I'm saying.
(When facts entwine with fiction)
To fill this space and feel like I belong.
(Well, I just keep wondering:
What is there to believe in?)

I try to find a way just to say what I'm chasing,
Define what I'm making,
Believe what I'm saying.
To fill this space and feel like I belong.

back and forth

i'm underlining in my Bible. i've been going back and forth between orange and pink. both new pens, both from serena. the orange and pink aren't turning out well for writing verses on my hands, and sadly, the delicate handwriting that serena had done on my hand before i left to fly home was rubbed away much quicker than i expected. apparent airport flying nerves.
her handwriting is much better than mine.
but this post isn't about handwriting. and its not about pink and orange lines in my Bible. i had an idea once to read a Bible every year, and make notes and then eventually give a Bible to each of my children. recently i had an idea to start get a new Bible, and to devote an entire year to a different color of underlining. maybe i'll end up putting both of my hands together there.

I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ. Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of saints.
Philemon 1:6-7

i underlined this passage yesterday, and right next to it i wrote "this is what i want".
and now i clarify for myself- i don't want this- i want to be this. maybe its a lofty goal. but i am a fan of lofty goals.
i want to share my faith. for so many years i sat in my house, trying very hard to balance a life that didn't exactly share my faith with anyone but other believers. in fact, i felt concerned that i didn't want my walk to make anyone "uncomfortable". you know, not wanting to mention the Lord or that i loved Him, because i was worried people would feel like i was preaching at them.
its embarrassing to admit how reserved i kept my walk with the Lord. reserved. try hidden. even here, on this blog, that has taken just a "teeny" bit of a directional change.
i don't want to ever be like that again. my old self is over. over! i'm not worried or afraid anymore of what people think about my walk with the Lord. i am not ashamed for a stranger on the street to know that i think Jesus is freaking amazing, or that He loves me despite my constant shortcomings and sins.
WHO Jesus is, and what HE has done for us on the CROSS is NOT something to be ashamed of.
i mean, maybe the fact that when standing out in the dark and i am asked to find the direction north and the moon is out and wide and i still can't find north, now maybe that is something i should be embarrassed about.
i am directionally challenged. however when north is pointed out, i can find south. ish.
i am directionally challenged with the LORD no longer. my eyes are upward. focused on Him. focused on eternity. on a forever with Him. and even though there are nights where i have a little to much to drink and i cry and cry, i still know where He is. He's got me.

i am still confident of this; I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Psalm 27:13-14

who is good at waiting? i mean really? especially in this instant gratification world that we are living in. i've noticed slight changes in myself already though. i don't feel rushed. cars can go slow in front of me. its more time to sing super loud. people can be slow in the grocery line, its more time for me to stand a pray. i can wait in an airport parking lot for sam's mother to come while the kids fuss and whine and.... okay, that was admittedly harder to focus and pray during- but i did. and kept offering the kids snacks. and listened to Psalm 121 or as the kids call it "the up and down song". although mr. campbell finally asked for the "moving on song". turns out if i play the same song over and over again they do like it.

I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ. Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of saints.
Philemon 1:6-7

so. i will be active in sharing my faith. because if there is one thing that i know right now it is all the good things that we have in Christ. starting with the best, forever with Him. and then everything else. how i can be weak and He will be strong, how He will carry my burdens, how He will LOVE me, how He provides ALL i need. how He is my constant friend.
and i'm sorry- but if i can't give great joy and encouragement than i am not doing what He is asking me to do! i am an encourager. it is my gift.
and i want to refresh hearts. but not because of me- i don't want my actions or words or anything to be what refreshes, but i want it to be HIM. i want what Christ is doing in my life to just ooze out of me and spread.
because i am not doing any of this on my own. it is HIM. it is HIM. it is HIM and His new mercies everyday, His compassions.
the greatest thing about my current situation, is that i know who needs to be given my great joy and encouragement right now. and they are all downstairs eating breakfast with their nana.
talk about drilling it in hard. loving joy, loving encouragement, and finding my way to be the Godly mother they need- the Christ centered mother to 4 children that i have been entrusted with.

and so. i must be focused. on Him. my eyes- yes my directionally challenged eyes at times. upward.
if my heart was a compass, you'd be north.