colors of the rainbow

oven grilled asparagus drizzled with extra virgin olive oil, 

red seedless grapes, 

2 eggs scrambled with spinach, mushroom and just a dash of feta. 

 yumm.

this is my new goal.  i feel like i have been having a pretty strong emotional battle in my brain as of late.  i have struggled with the weight of my body my entire life.  i actually lost weight after i got married (apparently that is a time you put it on) and then had Campbell.  and by his first birthday i was at my lowest weight ever.  then pregnant with Mason.  after her birth i flew into weight watchers head strong.  got to my new lowest weight ever.  to only find myself pregnant again.

well, here is my emotional battle: i don't really want to go back to weight watchers.  its an excellent program, but i just don't want to spend the rest of my life counting every ounce of what i eat.  so how do i get back down to my old size? i still have 19 pounds to go.  that is a lot.  

next week i can be given the green light to exercise.

will exercise alone work?

i know i have a great starting point- because i do know what choices aren't the best to make as far as eating.  but that doesn't mean i want to pass up on foods that are fun to eat.

exercise and moderation.  water and the colors of the rainbow.

my goal- to be eating more fruits and veggies.  my biggest goal is to try and get at least 3 servings of veggies in one meal.  salads. i love love love salad.  and i have been taking the time to add them back into my diet.

i don't want to be watching the number i weigh so intently that i stop enjoying life.  i mean, technically i am just 1 quarter of a pound away from being in a healthy bmi.  

well, i could waste valuable time taking about this.

i just want to pray that i will find my self-worth in what i should.  but not let that be an excuse to gorge.

who knows, maybe i'll just end up pregnant again and this won't even be an issue.

but i will still eat the colors of the rainbow.

wednesday why.

why can't tnt get their shows started on time? recently all of our law and orders have started anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes past when the tivo starts recording them.

this is very frustrating.  i don't care about nba wrap up, and i really could care less to know the last 5-10 minutes of random episodes of charmed.

and why am i watching law and order in the afternoon, while blogging, instead of sewing?  maybe the baby leaning up against my leg sleeping is a good excuse.

and why aren't the other 2 sleeping?

time for myself

at a baby shower yesterday, i found myself surrounded by school teachers.  school teachers seem to just know how to party.  that really do know how to relax and have a good time.

but i did find myself in a slightly awkward position.

i tend to get a lot of wide eyes when people find out i am the mom of 3 under 3.  the look of panic and concern and disbelief, and then pity.

sure it is challenging, but i do believe that the Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle.  and we sometimes don't realize that until we are in the situation.  i know i can handle this.  i may not feel that way everyday, but i know i can.

anyways, that is not what this post is about.

its about having someone tell me that "when your kids are in school, you'll have more time to yourself."

hmmm.  if i had wanted time for myself, i wouldn't have had children.  i had children because i wanted to have them, and i stay at home full time because i want to give them  my time.

i love having a little free time, used to blog, sew, watch tv with Sam, or play wii, or enjoy my friends.

but i love being home.  

please redirect me to this post on days that are hard and horrid.

but i do love being home.

and i am going to home school.  i am so excited about it.  committed to it.

and committed to raising children that will know the Lord, and i pray- will love Him.

and raising children who will be happy and content.  who will then spend time doing things they love, which will give me "time for myself" to do things i love.

i don't need school for time for myself.

i need discipline, and flexibility in myself.

and lots of prayer.

first family pic

there are so many pictures to go through from our fort bragg trip. i have to decide which one will be used with different gifts over the year, and which ones i'll post.  

but, this is our first family photo.  sorry you can't see henry.  he is the lump.

journals

as promised.  journals.  i love love love journals!

the notebook Sam bought me during Fort Bragg.  

it was such a wonderful surprise. i love it.

a second wonderful surprise. 2 new journals from my sister-in-law.

i want to use the flowers on top to use for embroidery.

and i do like keeping different journals for different things.  which may seem strange, i mean why not just use one journal at a time?  well, where is the fun in that?

currently, i have journals for the following purposes:

*things i need to do

*gifts for people

*homeschooling ideas

*our Bible Study

i do believe i will be adding new purposes soon.

*i'd like to force myself to write.  more than just blogging, but actually taking pen to paper. so i think keeping a journal of my thoughts, hopes, dreams, and random thoughts would be good for me.

*a journal for my ideas, because i do have a lot of ideas.

* a journal for devotions.

again, why so many journals? why not.

what's the happy hap

i really crack myself up sometimes.  so i had to share this story, because, well, i really cracked myself up.

so at fort bragg we saw a lot of turkeys.  a lot.  in fact our first morning at the rental house we awoke to a flock of turkeys in the front yard.  sam took the time to point out the "tom" to all of us.

well the next day as sam, jess, levi, and myself (and henry) were driving into town, we pulled out of the rental house and noticed the turkeys in the road in the opposite direction.  so we were all looking at them.  

i asked, "where's the tom?"

so we all had our heads turned searching for the tom, to no avail.

so i said, "if this were a comedy movie, this would be the time where we would all be looking for the tom, only to turn our heads and find the tom on the hood of the van."

well... as you can imagine, the van was an uproar of laughter.

yes, i did just waste an entire blog post to brag about my amazing gift of humor.

seriously though, i really do crack myself up.

oh, and the happy hap?  its a line a quote all the time from Scrubs.  Turk says it.  and it always seems like a great thing to say.

the empty bench

i can't help but wonder, who should be sitting here. 

watching the ocean waves crash against the rocks.

i can't help but think of who has sat here.  

someone alone pondering life?  

couples sharing moments, families enjoying the colors?

i can't help but be scared.  

this empty bench makes life seem so real.

all the life that could be sitting on the bench.

and life that could be empty.

gone.

bare against the beautiful.

but with the most Beauty.

but here we may be alone.  

left alone.

to come back to an empty bench.

until we all will crowd on it together.