a reminder to myself

i am about to have baby number 4, and you are fairly exhausted. the kids i am already raising are keeping me up late. once great sleepers, campbell and mason seem to be pushing to stay up late. campbell upset mason tonight by taking her night light out of its spot and putting it 2 feet away from her head. i went up and switched the night lights, told campbell that he couldn't move her night light and tucked mason back in bed. only to hear her cry out mere moments later in pain. i found her standing in her room, tears running down her face.

somehow she had grabbed the bulb on the night light and burned her little finger. she insisted on a band-aid between her sobs. i moved her into the bathroom and gently turned the cold water on. she let me hold her hand under the water and she slowly calmed down. and as i knelt next to her and watched her little eyes following the movement of the water and slowly start to smile as the pain cooled off, i realized how precious this little moment was. she was so upset just a few moments before and now she was happy, enjoying the cool water as it ran over her hands. every know and then she would glance over at me and smile. she was completely safe in my care and she knew it.

she still wanted a band aid when she was done, and kept telling me that my band-aids were not any good, and that she had to have a curious george one.

i realize this story seems really non-exciting. but it just hit me how these tiny, precious moments only last a minute and then they are gone. i won't remember this in the months/years later, except now that i have written it down i have the memory saved.

mason, my sweet little girl. she talks and talks and talks, and in this moment she just stood and let me help her.

i know i won't remember every moment of my children's precious childhood as it whisks past me, but i do need to be better at writing these little things down, so that i can transplant myself back to this night.

he could cook.

another day that i watch a little of our "extra" money disappear. not spent entirely poorly by any means, and i am continually amazed at how abundantly the Lord provides for this little family, but spent in one way that i could control a little better.
eating out. its my biggest vice, and my greatest luxury. i love to cook. love it. there's something fantastic about creating something delicious to eat and especially fantastic if it tastes really good reheated the next day.
but i hate doing dishes. and i hate cooking in the heat. and i hate doing dishes in the heat. and all 3 of those things must be done after one cooks.
sam knows that i know how to cook, and he loves the food that he cooks. but he equally knows how much i enjoy to have food that someone else has cooked.
and so, when i have found myself utterly exhausted this pregnancy (the total exhaustion deserves its own post) sam generously offers to run out and get whatever sounds fantastic, as i throw something mediocre together for the kids.
it could be worse. he could insist i cook, or hate spending money on eating out.
or he could cook, but i know that he is as equally tired as i am.
and so as i try to not think about how much it would total all added up if we didn't eat out a fraction of the time we did, i try to instead focus on how blessed i am, that we can eat out, that my husband is very willing to serve me in this way, and how yummy the food does taste.
because, in just a few short weeks (9 weeks to be exact) i will be resuming weight watchers, and i don't usually eat out while doing weight watchers, at least not in the beginning.
i am debating starting a 100 day fast from eating out, in combo with finding 10 new amazing dinners to cook.
sounds like interesting ideas. because welcoming a 4th child to my 4 years and under crew just makes me believe i will have oodles and oodles of free time.
on a separate note, if you want to get me a baby gift (you of course don't have too) i love gift certificates for food :)
oh and meals.

in my free time.

or something like that :)
i have been sewing! i had some very odd goals of getting all of my christmas gifts made before the baby came.
ok. please stop laughing. you won't be able to read this if you are still laughing.
anyways. that hasn't even started. and i realized that today marks 3 weeks from when i intend to take my 2 T of castor oil and beg the baby to come. so unless i either get an energy transplant or my children become amazingly self-sufficient without needing any correction or training (or a combo of both) i highly doubt that any christmas gifts will get done.
never mind that. i still have plenty to keep me busy. i have made a massive to-do list, that does continue to grow daily, but luckily somethings are getting crossed off of it. but it does still feel like a lot to do in a short amount of time.
instead of dwelling what's still not done, take a look at what i have done:






another one of the bags i "designed". i really love how big they are. i think i might do another one, but vary it a little. maybe. it's always fun to experience.
i keep experimenting with the coffee cozy as well. i am having a fun time adding a little personalization to it, and this one is reversible- there's a button on both sides.
now if only jess hadn't changed her drink to a grande non-fat latte everything would have been perfect.

i hope i don't lose any readers....

but i truly hate spiders. i know one isn't supposed to "hate", but really, i absolutely hate spiders.
and somehow i think they know it.
i'm not sure where my hatred of spiders came from, but lately it seems to be magnified.
i seem to be un-naturally attracted to spiders, with an odd sense of "spidey" vision. really, i do. i can spot a spider emerging from a hiding place from a freakish distance. i think i might actually be able to sense spiders when they are in my presence.
but still, at every appearance of a spider my blood runs cold and chills overwhelm my body and i think it must be on me.
which reminds me. i would kindly love to stop shedding like a mad woman, because every tiny hair that leaves my head and floats to my arms runs panic through my bones. and quite to often sam and the kids wonder why i am doing an odd arm waving dance.
lately spider time has gotten worse. ever since the stairs to our laundry went in and we were able to utilize our "first" garage as a family/play room i have been on high stress alert for those 8 legged monsters. you see, the family room has a throw rug on the concrete- but everything else is concrete, with some brief exposure to the outside. it is a great deal cooler in the family room, but it comes at a great cost to me to be done here enjoying it. i am constantly awaiting for emerging horror. and so far, i have found one almost every day.
its the worst when the kids have their toys everywhere, strung on the floor. because i just know (and have been been proven correctly) that when i go to grab a toy to put in its home that it will cause a scattering of spider to race away.
growing up, my bedroom was in a basement. converted basement i should say. our laundry room was not finished. i think i finally begged my parents for the attic bedroom because of my fear of spiders (and my growing addiction to the fumes of bug spray). one memory will always stand out it my mind. i was hanging out in my room and from the corner of the wall a huge spider crept on the floor. i grabbed my spray and went nuts. as i was moving something out of the way a SECOND spider appeared, equally huge, requiring even more spray.
it was awful.
the laundry room in our home growing up with unfinished, with stairs that led to our carport and concrete steps. hanging webs would loom. and because this was a basement laundry room and far away from the rest of the house we maintained a strict "drop dirty clothes on the floor" and let them wildly pile up. when i was taught how to do laundry, i can remember the horrid fear that would arise when you would grab dirty clothes from the floor and pray that nothing would be moving on them or under them.
usually there was.
i will never know how my mother, who did the vast majority of our laundry handled this. was she not afraid of spiders? or did she maintain a level of bravery just for her children's sake.
my sister had the worst experience. when our laundry was clean, it was folded and stacked and left on a counter in the laundry room. apparently my sister had grabbed clothes to wear and left for school. it wasn't until later in the morning when she had removed her sweatshirt in class did she realize perched upon her chest was an inhabitant of our basement laundry room.
and now, my laundry is in a basement. i have returned to concrete floors and fear of leering guests.
i am ashamed to admit that in our family room/play room/laundry room that i have sent my children to the front of the battle field. blame it on the growing belly and exhaustion (cause its really a handy excuse for this) but i simply perch myself on the couch- after investigating it carefully for anything that moves- and with a shoe in my hand (for squashing) i carefully instruct my children on what toys to pick up, what clothes to throw in the hamper, etc.
all the while prepared to attack anything that has attached itself to a toy.
i am a woos.
and i think the spiders are retaliating against me. the other morning when i went to finish a purse i was sewing, i started to iron out the fabric and a tiny little baby spider scampered across the fabric- quickly, to meet its twin.
2 baby spiders on my fabric, which were quickly met by a third. of course this had me scaling the walls searching for more, the dead fear in my heart that an egg had somehow hatched without my knowing.
and can you even imagine how disgusting it would have been if i had ironed a spider into my fabric.
yuck.
the very next morning i noticed a bigger "momma" spider in the curtain of the same room. luckily sam was on his way home and was able to assist me in the removal of that visitor.
needless to say, i truly despise spiders. i really don't like many bugs in general. but i am frustrated by spiders, because ultimately i do see their purpose- to kill the other bugs.
but why God? why?
a talking cucumber once asked a grape (who was acting as an angel) if God ever makes mistakes. this wise grape answered no, never.
but in his mind, "the jury's still out on spiders."
truer words.
and yes. i did just write an entire post on why i hate spiders.

finished

that's right, i somehow finished.
it wasn't easy. and i lost motivation a lot. and honestly, i had finished many days ago, but it seemed moving the fabric from our bedroom to the 2nd kitchen was just an impossible task.
however, it was finally moved. and i hate to admit it, but i did move it myself- something i regretted moments later, and hours later as i found my energy completely zapped and myself really out of breath.
stupid pregnant lady that i am.
so here's what i came up with- feel free to breeze through this, as it might not be super stimulating to all of you.
these 3 tubs- the top tub consists of solid colored fabrics.
middle tub is all of my felt and i believe some fleece.
bottom tub is holiday fabric and gingham/polka dots that i was given from a friend.

and in these 3 (well 4, but you only see the top of the bottom tub) tubs:
top is all my interfacing, tracing paper, batting and more essentials like that. i kept it on top because i knew that i would need easy access to it.
the 2nd tub from the top is fabric that i have that is still uncut. meaning, i haven't used it for a project yet- it most likely ranges from 1 yard to 3 1/2 yards.
third tub- all the fabric that i have for children projects.
and the un-pictured bottom tub is another tub full of fabric i haven't cut into. i have a lot of beautiful fabric just waiting to be used :)
ok, i am very proud of these next 3 tubs (pictured above) and this is where my total inner geek will come out. its either geek or crazy "monica" mentality.
you pick.
so, these 3 tubs are basically organized scraps.
in the top tub it is all scraps that are small enough to be used for tiny projects- if i ever quilt, or make log cabins, or need little pieces for embellishments or applique.
the middle tub is bigger cuts of fabric- almost fat quarter sizes, in fact- this is where you would find all of my fat quarters. any fabric that i have already used by still has a good 1/4 to 1/2 yard left in it was folded and placed in here.
the bottom tub. is well, medium sized scraps. anything that i would use for bigger applique or coffee sleeves or embroidery uses.
and that's it. i left myself a walkway. i put the tubs of scraps out front because i will need to put scraps in it as they come, and also, i have a very difficult time cutting into fabric. its almost painful. so i usually go for the scraps first in a desperate attempt to find a 1 yard out of 1/2 a yard.
and i guess technically there are 2 more tubs. i moved them down to our hall closet. one consists of fabric that will be used soon(ish) or at least has an intended purpose. the other tub is full of my un-finished projects.
well that's about it. i am quite happy this is done. maybe i'll clean up the sewing area and show you how its changed too!

am i taking crazy pills?

cause it feels like i'm taking crazy pills.
why else would i think this:

was a good idea?

in case you can't tell (or are currently now in the fetal position crying 'why mary, why?) that is my fabric "stash" (other appropriate words:collection, obsession, monstrosity) and i decided that it was as good of a time as any to go through it.
i could probably list of about 30 other things i could have been doing. and then 60 other things that should be getting done. you know, because there's a new baby coming.
but, i wanted to send some fabric to my good friends aaron and emily who are in the process of adopting a baby, and emily is selling various items at her etsy store: the tulip patch and i thought i could easily help by sending some fabric their way (all proceeds from her etsy store go towards their adoption- and if anyone is looking to get me a baby present-which is not necessary- i'd love one of her cloth high chairs).
apparently to "find" fabric, i had to go through that whole mess.
i worked on it for about 10 minutes before becoming completely unmotivated. sam came upstairs to check on me, and i told him, "i'm not motivated anymore" and he surveyed the room and said, "oh geez, i hope not".
it was awfully nice of him to move ALL of that fabric out of our "second" kitchen (which doubles as a sleeping nook for babies and as a fabric room and is where our elliptical machine is so you can just imagine how easy it would be for me, nearly 9 months pregnant to navigate in it).
and as i was sorting through the fabric he did watch all the kids so i could be uninterrupted.
about an 1 hour into it, i was happy, i do love fabric.
about 1 hour and 1 minute, i was fed up. apparently i have been buying fabric like it was going out of style. also, i think i was purchasing fabric for my alter ego- you know, the person who has all the time in the world to do nothing but sew and create, and sew and create, and sew and create. its never a good sign when you realize you can categorize your SCRAPS into 3 separate tubs.
about 2 hours into it, i stopped for lunch.
then went back to it until sam had to leave for a meeting.
its to hot to be up there now, but when the sun sets, and i can stick a fan in the window, pop a movie on my computer, i have every intention of finishing it up.
i'm sure you can't wait to see :)

sprints

that's kind of what i am calling my quick jaunts in the house: sprints. i am containing all of the cool air inside our dining room- perhaps when i take the time to vacuum up the popcorn,cheerios, graham crackers and other miscellaneous treasures from the floor and clean up the rest of the craziness i will take a picture so all of you can see just where my days are being had.
anyways- air in the dining room. i'm sort of installing a "quick, close the door" mantra for the rest of the family. i am finding that if i can sort of sprint (if you will) from small task to task and then immediately retreat to the cool of the dining room, my spirits are not as quickly diminished.
this worked saturday afternoon, but only when i had divided the children up. you see, the second i leave them alone, they become slightly less calm and loving then i'd like towards each other. so i usually have to stop what i am doing and race back to break up whatever disagreement has occurred (usually campbell yelling at mason to stop growling- she likes to growl- or mason getting upset that campbell has his feet on her chair- yup, we've got real problems here).
this is partly why i want to get up early in the morning, so that i can get up and get a few of my many cleaning projects done. then i think when i let the kids watch an afternoon heat movie (sam told me that in 95 degree heat at 8 1/2 months pregnant he isn't expecting parenting of the year, just that i'm attentive, loving, and here- i can do that) and maybe sew a little.
ok. i promise, no more posts about my cleaning desires and heat. unless of course i wake up tomorrow with central a/c and a personal live-in maid, that would definitely be post worthy.

**i wrote this post saturday afternoon- the kids stayed saturday night at sam's parents (thank you!) and i was able to get in 2 solid hours of uninterrupted cleaning. there is still a lot to do, but i think if i can get up an hour earlier than the kids for the next couple of mornings, i can slowly get it done.