oh God, beer me strength.

momma said there'd be days like this, right? well this was a horrid night.  and i wouldn't really waste everyone's time in a venting post, but i know that we all have nights like this.

it started with a rough afternoon of running fun errands.  but Sam lost patience with the kids early on (completely understandable, he really has been a super dad these past 8 weeks, and every now and then we both need a break), so i stepped up and gave the kids uber patience.

i didn't realize that my patience would be all spent before we arrived home, i really didn't know that my patience was literally in a measuring cup, and well, it just poured right out.

so by the time we got home (at 5) it was only 40 minutes before Sam needed to leave to play worship music (i could have used some worship time, myself... still do).  so i dash into the kitchen and start dinner.  while i do, i notice crawling stupid beetles on my window, so i run outside (first mistake) and see them all over the side of the house.  so i send Sam out to spray them down (second mistake) and now i am alone, in the kitchen with all 3 kids.

Campbell's prattling about, and Mason is wandering around, Henry's in the baby seat.  so i start making dinner, and turn around to see Mason, feet at the top of the baby seat- head facing the floor- and no Henry... because she was LYING on top of Henry.  i started shrieking, pulled her off, and somehow Henry was just smiling.

so dinner goes off... with Mason crying the whole time.... and Campbell foregoing eating.

anyways. Sam leaves, and in the next 30 minutes all hell breaks loose.  Mason just melts down throwing a full on fit as she has removed her diaper (something she can't get enough of) and is refusing my lovingly offer of a new diaper and jammies. Campbell pushes/kicks/hits her 3 times (resulting in him no longer getting to watch his movie- the movie that was keeping him out of my hair while i desperately tried to fold some laundry, i'm 4 loads behind- that's 4 loads of clean laundry) so both Mason and Campbell go down by 6:45... 

and around 6:30 (yes during all that fun) Henry starts absolutely screaming his head off.  reaching levels of sound i have yet to hear.  and he will not be consoled, leaving me to believe perhaps i have a colicky baby (shudder). well he screamed until about 8:00pm.  i finally tried swaddling him (after many other things) and held him, and he had the worst hiccups that just radiated his whole body (most likely from all the screaming).

so here i am.  8:54.  i have taken a brief break from cleaning to type this while it is all fresh on my mind.

why? why cleaning? why not a heavy glass of wine? well, i am out of wine.  and my house is a disaster.  and despite how much i really want to be sitting at the sewing machine working on about 4 unfinished projects and 30 wishing to start projects and listen to the drumming of old tv... i can't.  the house truly is awful, and it does need some attention.

do i feel resent right now? initially.  and then i find some perspective. 

i can just seem myself, years down the road, sitting at my sewing machine surrounded my a clean perfect house, empty house... and being really sad.

don't get me wrong- that will be great, all in its time.  but i know that i will be sad that these days have passed.  my babies are only babies for a brief blink your eyes and its over minute.  i will have more time in my life without them around, then with them around me all the time.  as much as it sucks on some days, these precious moments are all we have.

so if your day has been bad, i can sympathize.  its hard.  but its wonderful.  

so, God, beer me strength... so i can see what i have, love who i have, and have even more patience to enjoy and appreciate what You have given me.