surviving.

people i love very much

yup, i am surviving. however, i have not been alone with all of my kids yet. yet. its looming. soon i will be alone, with 4 little ones who want all of my attention, who need to be fed, or taken to the bathroom, or taught, or disciplined. 4 little ones who want my love and smiles, and will require my patience and focus.
its intimidating. i have a few more days to get prepared. and i know that the only way i will make any of this work is to have a very consistent and strict schedule. at least for the mornings. basically, i know that if i don't wake up before my children i am toast. i can do it. who needs lots of sleep, right? actually, i don't. pregnancy makes me tired. as in my body doesn't function the same way. but i really don't need a lot of sleep. and as of today Wilder isn't really waking up to nurse at night. i mean, he kinda wakes up, roots around (as he is nestled right next to me) and will nurse. i am not sure how long, he's mastered nursing while i lay down and i fall asleep. its rough.
i'm nervous about how things will go, but its also that anticipation of seeing what it will be like.
the last few days have been really nice. my sister has been here, spoiling me with her time and attention and help. i taught her to sew. well, basically we worked through a pattern and she revealed her amazing ability to sew and catch on to things. seriously, serena- she did her very first zipper, without help. its very impressive, and i'm jealous. i didn't catch on this quick, and still need lots of help. she's a rockstar. i hate that she is leaving tomorrow. it sucks. absolutely sucks. but she is (i hope, hope, hope) coming back in october. and i am finally getting a small break- i'm flying up to portland (christina- here are my dates) october 15-17th for a girls getaway. i haven't been kid-less and sam-less since i was pregnant with mason. and i won't be kid-less, i'll have my wilder, but he's so sweet and sleepy that its not the same.
things are going really well. my biggest concern right now is getting enough time to spend with all my little ones, especially henry. i miss him. its strange to say, but i do. having him changed my heart in a way i can't explain, or i can- having him made me know that i wanted another baby, and he's held a different spot in my heart. henry doesn't seem worth for wear though, he's happy to be playing outside, interested in our new baby, and incredibly busy. but i do miss the time i had to just snuggle him. and i need to make sure that i am doing that with all of my children, every day.