interesting.

i meant to have this post yesterday, but something was wrong with blogger... or my internet... possibly both.

today has been good. not great by any means, but good. and i will happily take good as opposed to want to pull my hair out-send all my children to separate homes- and find a way to move to mexico. good is great.
so what made it good? did i have extra realms of patience hidden in a box? no, not necessarily. the things that usually annoyed me still annoyed me, however, my reaction to my children wasn't nearly as harsh (insert awful). was there no mess to clean? ha. i wish. but not really, re-organizing the school stuff and toys is something i enjoy. were there no fights? wrong again, there were plenty of arguments. did i get 3 hours of joyful bliss while everyone napped at the same time? nope, that would have been nice. i'd settle for 3 down at the same time, but today i just got 2. better than 0.
did i get hours of alone time this morning? try waking up to children stowing away in my bed. but sam had left before 6 and the coffee was made- not ready to brew- made.

so why was today good?
well. there was one thing different today than the days in the past week (ok, month).
i read my Bible this morning. and the day's passage from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, a book i highly recommend.
so, was i met with amazing insight and hope and new understanding?
no. not really even a little.. the passage from Jesus' Calling was really great (they always are) and i read the first several chapters in Ephesians. but i didn't exactly walk away with anything profound.
but i just realized- i didn't need to. i have been really reluctant to turn to my Bible for any wisdom lately- because nothing really feels like it will be a solution- i mean, its not like i will turn to my Bible and suddenly, miraculously have better behaved children or even more patience. or its not like i will turn to my Bible and feel totally different.
i found today, that just even the act of turning to my Bible, of saying, "ok Lord, I might not know what good this will do, but i trust you".
Draw near to Him, and He will draw near to you.
that's all i did today, i took a few extra minutes out of morning, drew near to Him, and now that i reflect on my day, i realize, He drew near to me. and not that i profoundly felt it like angels singing from the heavens, but i know it.
and that is a start.