my obsession

ok- so that title is fairly misleading, because so many things could be considered my obsession. for example:
anything with a hood, journals, bags, hoarding glass jars, the search for the perfect hair curl product, anything tina fey does, sam waterson, homeschooling curriculum, anything the firm does.

to name a few.

but for the next few minutes, i would like to share a little bit about my obsession with diet and sugar. i am sure that i have mentioned my diet issues... right? well, i don't need to refresh anything here, because it is a snooze fest. but lately, i have been really feeling down on myself because i have been eating really poorly. like 3 solid weeks of feel better food. like, making the pioneer woman's truly awesome chocolate sheet cake 3 times in one week and still wanting pizza for dinner poorly.
poor diet aside, the worst part is it is just now starting to cool down. good-bye forgiving stretchy skirts- hello jeans which have become smaller since the last time i wore them.
fantastic.
but i did this to myself. so for the last week (a week, wow, such an accomplishment) i cut sugar out of my mon-fri life. okay- it was mon-thurs, my best friend made me celebration cookies, which i had on friday.
but- anyways, i have been attempting to eat more purposefully through out the day, and stop my eating by 8 pm (i would love to have it be 7, but with the kids that isn't always practical) and then only having sugary desserts on the weekends. it is a slight modification of the no s diet.
so. after a week of no sweets during the week (note- not no sugar- i did have homemade blueberry muffins (but i make them myself, and the sugar isn't extreme) Izzy's (hey, the FDA says it counts as 2 fruit servings) and fruit strips (yumm) i am pretty happy. well- i was mon-thurs. i felt accomplished, and happy- because i knew that i was eating good, healthy things for my body and that my snacking was finally under control.
well. thursday... we ate at sam's parents and had my favorite dinner... taco salad- which, my plate was too full... fail.
friday, sam brought home chipolte... awesomeness, but when i poured it on my plate, holy banana times it was so FULL, and then... cookies. 2, but cookies. and a portion of a cookie and several chips at like 9:30... fail.
and then tonight, after a great day of moderate eating, we had pizza for dinner (not the worst thing ever, and mine was full of freshly chopped veggies) but i had a cookie (darn they are good) and i made these. smores. cookies. bars.
yeah.
and you know what? my tummy hurts. and i did it to myself. and psychologically i am kind of freaking out. and i did it to myself.
soooooooo.....
how do i do this? i love sugar. it is delicious. it tastes great, and their are some really fantastic recipes out there that are just begging me to try them.
yum.
but, here i am, with a full tummy that is aching at me, and i feel guilty. and i don't want to feel guilty, and i want to have that accomplished self-control feeling.
ok, personal therapy here, as i work this out through my typing.
the smores cookies bars, as fantastic as they were- are really really rich, and perhaps not the best thing to eat after dinner of something like pizza. lesson 1.
and maybe- even on the days that i choose to have sugar- it needs to be one thing. not 2, like i did today.
and maybe it should be one day of sugar. not 2.
well, seeing that i have had 2 days of sugar, i will probably not have any tomorrow. i am a big fan of tossing items in my freezer and saving them for later. that and sending freshly baked goods to starbucks. and hey, if i take them tomorrow when sam isn't there, he won't be tempted. everyone wins.
i will check back in about this next sunday. i can be strong. no sugar till saturday- no baking till saturday. and then next sunday when we are going out to the pumpkin patch, i will decide how sunday went.
and see if i can do 2 days.
well, this post got a little bit boring. but, hey- my blog is called generally wondering..ment...
so you get what you get.