He shapes me in the process

from the morning my eyes awoke this morning, i was shaped. i mentioned it early this morning that i was learning who is in control- uh, Jesus. My Sovereign King, not a riled up red head.
riled up for Jesus that is.
today, i knew i wanted to work towards being gentle- well, gentleness to be specific. a fruit of the spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 but the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
well, the Lord provided, in His LOVING providence, many opportunities for gentleness. and today, i had many challenges that normally would have led me to despair or anger. ok, who are we kidding- anger is my fall back. and today i was seeking gentleness, today i wanted the love of Jesus to consume me, and that my spirit would be gentle, that i would be a reflection of gentleness.
being shaped into the woman the Lord wants me to be isn't easy. and you know what, it isn't pain free. it still hurts a little from time to time. and even when i felt things swirling around me i can stand firmly and say: i kept my eyes on the Lord. i kept reading my Bible, i went back over old verses, the living Word speaking to me over and over again. i listened and praised and worshiped. i encouraged others. i played with my children, i laughed with them and i laughed at them. i kept my eyes on the Lord. and the pain was still there, but SO were His promises.
finally at around 4 ish, i was pacing around my room saying this:
God is Sovereign, my God is Sovereign, He's got me. God is Sovereign, my God is Sovereign, He's got me.
i mean- come on- a sparrow doesn't fall from the sky that He doesn't know about. He's got me. He's got this. HE is in control. what on earth do i have to worry about? why would should i worry?
i shouldn't. He doesn't want it for me.
draw near to Him, and He will draw near to you- that's a promise. a promise i cling to.
He reigns over everything. my pain, my hurt, my love, my happiness, my desire to seek and serve Him with everything that i am and can be through Him.
today was this:
james 1:3-4 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything.
He is shaping me. i want to be shaped for Him- i want to be usable for Him.
BRING IT ON.
that's my new motto.
what He is doing in me will make me stronger so that i can be used more for Him.
and i'll take it. i will humbly take it.
tonight, i reflected on the cross. what truly happened there. how much i don't deserve. i need to always bring it back to the cross- and what happened there. i have salvation, this is but a moment in my life, and i have eternity to spend worshiping my Lord. and what does He give me now? a relationship with Him, beautiful laughing children, a family that sacrifices for me, and faithful friends. such faithful friends.
how blessed am i? and, i still get yorks and wine :) ah. yorks and wine. but not as a combo, believe it or not, its not the best.

Isaiah 12: 2-3
Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid, The Lord, the Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.

"and the cry of my heart, is to bring YOU praise, from the inside out, oh my soul cries out"