may the past be the sound of your feet upon the ground.

blog silence for several hours from me can mean 1 or 2 things, i'm either so ridiculously happy that i haven't found time to sit and type, or i'm feeling weighed down by pain and the darkness and can't really put safely into words how i am feeling. sadly, its the latter. or its been the latter.
and then i remember- who the Lord is. how mighty He is. how Great He is. how much bigger than me He is.
the Lord will fight for me, you need only be still. Exodus 14:14

The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in him, and i am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7

Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace For we know him who said, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay" and again, "The Lord will judge his people" It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the Living God. Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering.
Hebrews 10: 28-32

truth. that is what i have. God's Word. and it is so important that i remember the truth from the lies.
and i still have a lot to be thankful for. even when i get sucked into the darkness- the Lord is still there. waiting for me. waiting. not shaking His head at me, but just standing with open arms, ready to bring me back into Him, where my safety and security is in HIM.

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
James 1:19-20
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will LIFT YOU UP.
James 4: 7-10

if you are still praying for me, i'd really appreciate prayer in those 2 verses, because man alive, i need to quick to listen, i REALLY need to be slow to speak. and i MUST be slow to become angry. because what does it say- that doesn't bring about the righteous life that God desires for me. And more than that- its not who i want to be.
newsflash- i'm a sinner. and i think my by nature i lean towards getting riled up with injustice. and i struggle. daily. the pain is there like a wound. Yes- the Lord has healed me, saved me, rescued me- HE has. but imagine a gun shot. straight to the heart. the Lord saved me, however, there is still recovery, and it seems that things still cause that wound to hurt while it heals.
stupid human sin nature.
but- i can pray for that second verse as well- i can draw near to HIM and He will draw near to me- it says it, right there. that's a truth.
and i need the truths.

a story came to my memory yesterday as i was visiting with my dear friend Jill. oh, i love Jill.
and i remembered, talking with sam about a year ago, in his parents house, i had found him chatting in a words with friends game with a female customer who was a regular at his store. and i was really frustrated that he had the need to just chat it up with another woman i didn't know. and he got frustrated with me, because he thought he "could have friends". and i remember, a year or more ago, sitting in that bathroom at this parents house with him, and i started to cry. and i said, "you are going to cheat on me. you just are. this isn't going to last. we have an expiration date".
that is GOD's GRACE.
because, He started laying down peace even then.
and you know what. at that point he had cheated, and he kept cheating.
and the Lord saved me.