in the morning

before i launched into my thoughts this morning- if you are following this little blog, i would suggest you always start from the last post you read and go forward- i have been posting a lot, however, i am not so foolish to think that if miss one post you will be lost.

i have a current "get psyched mix" of music that i listen too. its more of a get psyched for Jesus mix. its always having truth playing in my ears. and i am not embarrassed to admit that i am a huge dork, and that it is currently 3 songs that i listen to over and over again. and sometimes i watch the songs live on youtube because there is something so refreshing to my soul about seeing worship music performed live for the Lord, seeing that passion and thirst for the Lord, creates more of it in me.
my 3 songs:
desperation band's counting on God
desperation band's i'm coming Your way (listening to right now)
jesus culture's how He loves us (which, i am not connecting how that was part of my gift my handmade holiday party.... how God prepares the path for us)

i listen to these songs before i fall asleep at night, letting myself focus on the Lord, trying so desperately to keep captive my thoughts at night, when things much more unpleasant try and seep in.
i listen to these songs often before i let my feet hit the floor in the morning.
i listen to these songs when i blog, when i study scripture. and sometimes when i journal.
i listen to these songs after i think about or talk to sam.
and i don't think it is strange that i am continually playing 3 songs. i am not limiting myself. i think about how to write the Word of the Lord those passages had to be recited and recited, seriously written upon the hearts of man. NOT that these songs are the word of God... but they definitely speak the truths of who God is, and how much He loves us.

that is just a little look into what i do right now.

i am becoming more and more aware how present the Lord is in my life, and how much i now see Him in EVERYTHING. which is how it is supposed to be.
if you know me in my day to day life, you know that i have a baby. and if you know him you would know that if this boy sees me everything- and i mean EVERYTHING- else in the world fades away and he is instantly grabbing onto my legs, begging, screaming, desperate for me to hold him, to be safely in my arms.
and it is challenging, because he is very demanding and constant. i mean, if i leave the room he is so upset.
and last night it hit me straight to my heart- this is EXACTLY how the we are meant to be towards Jesus. Jesus wants us to come to him with the same passion that wilder has when he sees me. Jesus wants us clinging to His legs, desperate to be up in HIS arms. Jesus wants our world to not make sense if we are not looking at Him. Jesus wants our desire to be constantly with Him.
i am so blessed to be able to know see this practical example every single time i see my boy. my beautiful son who brings me joy.

if you know me in real life, you would know that i am a bit of a exercise video junkie. and i was very disciplined. shamefully more disciplined in my exercise than in my daily seeking of the Lord. and i can only ask the Lord for forgiveness and then turn from that idol and seek Him. not that i am going to give up exercise, but that my first thought when i get out of bed isn't- when will i exercise- my first thought is, how often can i seek the Lord. which, is VERY challenging- because i have 4 children, who need me. and my desire right now is very torn, because i honestly want to be in worship and in my Bible, and i have been giving myself a lot of time for that, and today, i am trying to balance more of that, with my children.
today, i did an exercise video. a short 20 minute one. one of my more "easy" ones. and, the lack of properly feeding my body for the last, wow, its almost been 13 days.... (well, honestly my suspicions for sam started 3 weeks ago today, and i was very sick, and didn't each much from that point on) and the lack of consistency in exercise left me gasping for air (or sucking wind as the workout girls say) and barely being able to make it through the exercises- which is very unlike where i was just a month ago.
and it made me think of my walk with the Lord. how i had let myself become so weak in it. how i didn't properly feed my walk with Lord, how i didn't stay strong in it, able to handle more difficult "moves" when they came my way. and how it is IMPERATIVE that we do not grow stagnant in our walk with HIM. how just as our body can become used to a specific exercise and it will no longer be effective, so will we be if we do not actively exercise and increase our walk in Him. and how weak we can immediately get when we walk away from our routine, our consistency in Him.
we need Him daily, we need Him more than daily. we need Him from moment to moment.
be blessed today my friends. seek the Lord in all that you do, if you haven't clung to Him the way a baby clings to his mama, then cling to Him right now, if you haven't been ready to fall on your face in exhaustion- fall on your face.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength. Deuteronomy 6:5