gratefulness

my wonderful friend becky posted today on being thankful. i fear i tend to complain a bit to much in my little space here. and i don't mean to. wait- yes i do, when i open my mouth and complaints come out, that is something that i am intentionally doing. i noticed i do it when i talk as well. someone will pay me a compliment or ask me about something and somehow in my answer a complaint or criticism follows.
like this:
q:"how's the new house?"
a:"oh it's great... i really wish such and such was done, or that we didn't have to such and such...."
q: "the kids are getting big"
a: "yeah, i really wish they would...."

see what i mean. and i really do it way to much.
and i wonder, if i demonstrated a tad more thankfulness in my life, if i would be a tad more happy.
"a thankful heart, is a happy heart". i'm sure that can be found somewhere in the Bible, or a paraphrase at least. but for now, i quote one of my favorite veggie tales: madame blueberry.
that song is really wonderful. and i can't help but think if i broke up arguments with my children by breaking out in that song, if our days wouldn't improve just a little.
or if when i feel the urge to be frustrated with my kids or with sam, if i really stopped and said a silent prayer of thankfulness for them. because really, if they were stripped from my side it would be darn near impossible to find the thankfulness to continue on, so shouldn't i be thanking the Lord everyday that i have them?
or the multitude of other wonderful things that He has continued to bless so unworthy a person such as me?
what if when asked a question, if instead of tagging on a complaint, i always added "God is so good".
i understand the need to complain, the verbal monologue that can pour out of my mouth. maybe, just maybe it would be better to pour that complaining waterfall of thoughts towards the ears of the One who can give me peace. and of course, my trusted friends and loved ones who will guide me back to Him.
thank you becky, for giving me a wonderful dose of inward perspective, i know that the Lord used you to day. i am very thankful for you!

being caught up.

i have just discovered that i will in fact never be caught up. not right now anyways. i sometimes contemplate what it would be like to wipe my plate clean, and just have the kids and Sam and the house. but that's a funny thing to think, because it never is just those things, is it?
and i really am loving the other things that i am doing. but the truth is, i am feeling once again- overwhelmed. like, sit in a corner and shake with hysteria-how do i ever think i will accomplish everything- overwhelmed.
sadly, this little blog is one thing that is easily neglected. maybe if my phone was working i would actually start "tweeting" because i tend to have random one line thoughts many, many times throughout the day.
right now its almost 10:30, which i have been in bed my 10 pm most nights. i am happily sticking to my workout schedule, and very happily shedding the baby pounds. i have been neglecting so many things i just don't know how to get back there.
for someone who prefers to be on top of things, this isn't how i love to live.
the holidays are a busy time. starting an online class on the composition of breastmilk is a challenging subject. preparing for the possibility of a part time job gives me a second to pause and reflect how i spend my time.
i know that i do have obligations and commitments. and i know that i do love making gifts for people. but i also know what i need. i need to be silly with my children and try and not let my brain think about all the things that i need to do. i need to spend time with sam connecting and talking and vegging. i need to expand my brain and read, and pour myself into my relationship with the Lord.
most importantly i need to find the geneticist from the movie mulitiplicty and see if there is anything at all that i can do.....
i hope to share more of the positives of what i've been doing. i did get a little caught up on the blog for the kids. not so much narrating each picture (which i like to do, and need to do to remember all of this in the years to come) but some new ones are coming.
10:33. I really do need to go to bed. i really do need to make a list.
but i don't really have time or the focus.
15 days till i get to have a small vacation in portland, and then a week with my family for thanksgiivng, and then my first (and sam's) ever football game to attend. and getting to spend time with my sister.
and then, my birthday. and holiday fiascos. which just reminded me of something else i have forgotten to do.
maybe a list isn't such a bad idea.
the best idea would be a embedded chip into my brain that automatically listed everything i need to do, by priority......
so apparently i either need to start taking science and technology classes or
i need to give myself a break.