before noise.

a rare and briefly quiet moment i am in right now. my children are exhausted from a fun day out and about yesterday. although, sam and i drug them around roseville for 8 hours and from my perspective for them i can't imagine it was fun- but they had a great time (play structures in a mall, getting to climb on rocks in rei, cruising at the greatest store ever- costco- and chocolate frosty's.... maybe that is a great day).
so now, i await their waking up. to not wake them i haven't been tackling the piles we brought in from our van, or the cluttered coffee table. nope, i read my Bible, had some coffee (lots) and played on my computer.
and i have nothing terribly brilliant to say today.
tomorrow i have hosting a soup night, and i am really hoping to get a few new recipes. i am seriously dreading the idea of corn in anyone's soup... i sure do hate corn in things.
but hot soups, time with friends, and then the weekend. although, yesterday was really our weekend, sam is working steadily till... well looks like 2012. but that's ok.
because- i no longer have a job.
i'm not quite sure if i ever even mentioned my job here, but it was one of the primary reasons for my lack of blogging and my lack of crafting. as much as i loved working with pregnant and nursing mama's, and loved the ladies i was working with, the relief that is now calming me daily is the most amazing things.
be still and know that He is God. this was the biggest answer to prayer- and honestly the fastest answer i have gotten. tuesday: Lord, please take this job away, i cannot quit, but i cannot do it. wednesday: job- we've had budget cuts, would you like to resign?
halleluiah.
so, now i am back to my original job- being a mother and a wife. a friend, a sister, a daughter of Christ... all the things that i have sorely been lacking from my life.
i'm hoping to have exercise more patience, spend more time with those i love, and craft a heck of a lot more. i sure have missed it.
and maybe, you'll see me here more.

my obsession

ok- so that title is fairly misleading, because so many things could be considered my obsession. for example:
anything with a hood, journals, bags, hoarding glass jars, the search for the perfect hair curl product, anything tina fey does, sam waterson, homeschooling curriculum, anything the firm does.

to name a few.

but for the next few minutes, i would like to share a little bit about my obsession with diet and sugar. i am sure that i have mentioned my diet issues... right? well, i don't need to refresh anything here, because it is a snooze fest. but lately, i have been really feeling down on myself because i have been eating really poorly. like 3 solid weeks of feel better food. like, making the pioneer woman's truly awesome chocolate sheet cake 3 times in one week and still wanting pizza for dinner poorly.
poor diet aside, the worst part is it is just now starting to cool down. good-bye forgiving stretchy skirts- hello jeans which have become smaller since the last time i wore them.
fantastic.
but i did this to myself. so for the last week (a week, wow, such an accomplishment) i cut sugar out of my mon-fri life. okay- it was mon-thurs, my best friend made me celebration cookies, which i had on friday.
but- anyways, i have been attempting to eat more purposefully through out the day, and stop my eating by 8 pm (i would love to have it be 7, but with the kids that isn't always practical) and then only having sugary desserts on the weekends. it is a slight modification of the no s diet.
so. after a week of no sweets during the week (note- not no sugar- i did have homemade blueberry muffins (but i make them myself, and the sugar isn't extreme) Izzy's (hey, the FDA says it counts as 2 fruit servings) and fruit strips (yumm) i am pretty happy. well- i was mon-thurs. i felt accomplished, and happy- because i knew that i was eating good, healthy things for my body and that my snacking was finally under control.
well. thursday... we ate at sam's parents and had my favorite dinner... taco salad- which, my plate was too full... fail.
friday, sam brought home chipolte... awesomeness, but when i poured it on my plate, holy banana times it was so FULL, and then... cookies. 2, but cookies. and a portion of a cookie and several chips at like 9:30... fail.
and then tonight, after a great day of moderate eating, we had pizza for dinner (not the worst thing ever, and mine was full of freshly chopped veggies) but i had a cookie (darn they are good) and i made these. smores. cookies. bars.
yeah.
and you know what? my tummy hurts. and i did it to myself. and psychologically i am kind of freaking out. and i did it to myself.
soooooooo.....
how do i do this? i love sugar. it is delicious. it tastes great, and their are some really fantastic recipes out there that are just begging me to try them.
yum.
but, here i am, with a full tummy that is aching at me, and i feel guilty. and i don't want to feel guilty, and i want to have that accomplished self-control feeling.
ok, personal therapy here, as i work this out through my typing.
the smores cookies bars, as fantastic as they were- are really really rich, and perhaps not the best thing to eat after dinner of something like pizza. lesson 1.
and maybe- even on the days that i choose to have sugar- it needs to be one thing. not 2, like i did today.
and maybe it should be one day of sugar. not 2.
well, seeing that i have had 2 days of sugar, i will probably not have any tomorrow. i am a big fan of tossing items in my freezer and saving them for later. that and sending freshly baked goods to starbucks. and hey, if i take them tomorrow when sam isn't there, he won't be tempted. everyone wins.
i will check back in about this next sunday. i can be strong. no sugar till saturday- no baking till saturday. and then next sunday when we are going out to the pumpkin patch, i will decide how sunday went.
and see if i can do 2 days.
well, this post got a little bit boring. but, hey- my blog is called generally wondering..ment...
so you get what you get.