today was a sunny day. and it got me thinking about seasons. not everyone gets to live in a place where all 4 seasons are experienced, i do. sure, some of the seasons don't last as long as the others, and this year winter felt un-seasonally long, and spring maybe lasted 2 days, but still, we get a glimpse at all of them.
and i had to wonder, when our Creator was creating this earth, was specific attention given to the length of seasons. all the seasons are roughly (supposed to be) the same amount of time. is that the length of time God knew we could handle it? is 3 months of winter just at the brink of "enough" for some people?
and then the easement of seasons. its not harsh colds and horrid heats, its a gently walking towards the extremes. we are cold, and then slowly it starts to warm, until its so warm that we slowly start to get cool before it gets to cold.
duh, that's the way the seasons work.
but we use the word "season" for so many things. and lately i have felt like i have been in many different seasons of my life, many seasons that i have been desperately crawling at the walls trying to get through.
and now, i have better reflection on it. seasons of life aren't meant to be every 3 months, and seasons of life sure as heck don't ease you into things ( i mean, i can't even think of one season of being a mother that has easily transitioned into a new "joy"). seasons are here, and there is a season for everything.
and, this season i am in, i will NEVER get to experience again. so i need to enjoy it. embrace it. live it. because way to soon the leaves will change and fall and it will be done. new seasons will replace this one, but it will not be the same.
i want to be in a season of daily exercise (at least 60 minutes) i am IN a season of hopeful exercise (i do better than most) and hoping calories shed while i breastfed and chase after my 2 year old, while listening to my 3 year old talk, and watching my 5 year old read.
i want to cook wonderful, healthy meals and small, decent desserts, i am IN a season where we eat pretty much the same thing every day, and i try to strive to eat as many fruits and veggies as i can, all the while having the same daily battle over "i'm hungry" when we jump down from the table after refusing to eat our food, and food getting thrown from table to floor.
and the occasional (ok, very occasional) doughnut binge.
i love doughnuts. and God help me, i'm praying they are in heaven.
i want to be in a season where i am crafty and creative every single day and productivity just shines from me, i am IN a season where my creativity stretches to imaginary elephant stories and hide and seek and the occasional coloring picture. the few moments where i truly feel creative i do not always have the opportunity to act on them. and then in the evening when i sit to nurse the baby before he goes to bed, all of my drive and motivation effectively washes away as he slowly falls to sleep.
that 7-8 pm nursing window the drains me, because i am tired, and it has been a long day and i don't want to use my brain anymore.
i want to be in a season where i would love to be more social and see my friends and have play dates all the time, i am IN a season where i have a job, and a job where i know the Lord wants me.
i want to be in a season where my home is always clean and laundry is always done, and milk cups aren't left in the sink over night, and bath towels are always immediately hung, i am IN a season where milk cups are lucky to make it into the sink instead of being found days later under a couch, and towels are tripped over and stepped over multiple times before they are picked up.
what it boils down to is this: i am tired. it is true. but i have to stop seeing the tired as the cause of all the things i CAN'T do. and instead see it as the effect (and i don't know if that should be affect or effect and i am to tired to care- or look it up) of what i AM doing.
i am in a season where my children come first.
when you start to embrace the truth of what you are living, like for instance boiling heat in July, then it doesn't make it easier, but you can understand it.
and don't feel sorry for me, because this season is important, invaluable, and yes- i am tired, and sure, i am not getting to do the things i want to yet-
yet. there will be a season for that.
so for now, i enjoy lounging on the couch at night when i am to tired to do anything else letting my favorite shows make me laugh, and i am quite content reading spurts of books on my iphone while i nurse my baby, and i am sure that someday my house will be clean (but really, if i clean those cups tonight they will be dirty again tomorrow- it will happen) and someday i will cook and exercise like a pro.
of course, i do realize that i will most likely never be in the season of being a supermodel. fine by me. i love doughnuts.
i am in a season where my precious children come first.