in 2008 right around August sam and i were hit with the surprise of a 3rd baby, we found out his brother had cancer, and there was a really emotionally draining situation at his store.
in 2009 in August, we had a horrible batch of the flu. it affected all 3 kids and it lasted for an entire month- the month of August.
in 2010 i was planning on having a baby. well, that baby decided to come in September. also, i would say Sam and i were working through some marital things.
in 2011. well, i spent some time in washington (in july) and came home to Sam opening his new store. well, he's probably worked 250 hours this month. and the month isn't over. we are starting our homeschool year, and already i am changing my mind about EVERYTHING, i am really emotionally and mentally wiped, and pulled in many directions.
august just kind of blows.
so, how do i wrap up the rest of this month?
i know that i need to find some new direction- or at least refocus my direction. i know that i need a lot more of Jesus. a LOT more.
honestly, it is just so hard. everything else in life seems so immediate- i feel sad, so i have a bite of chocolate, solution. i feel stressed so i power walk on the elliptical, solution. i need to vent, i call a friend- solution (although, i never call anyone, i text or google chat- you know, our new version of communication).
but i know that i am missing what is the most important. i know that i am not finding any true joy. that i am lacking and losing things that really matter.
my problem- that i fail to be like Jesus. categorically fail so miserably every day. every second. and what does it say in the Bible (and i know it is there, but i am way to lazy at the moment to find the reference) draw near to God and He'll draw near to you.
isn't that what i need? so badly?
why can't i do that.
i need the fruits of the spirit, i need the Spirit, i need to be different. i need a month of the year to not be something i begin to dread, but instead try to see it how God can use it, and use me.
i think i need a lot of things.
i need a place to start.
any ideas would be greatly appreciated.