slowly finding my feet.

well, i'm trying. i almost grabbed my computer last night at midnight to announce how happy i was to actually be sewing. however, when i awoke 6 mere hours later and found my finished project, well- i wasn't as proud.

there is so much crazy going around here. at any minute sam and i could be in escrow on a little house/duplex that we are trying to buy. it's bank owned, and they've sent their counter offer, and we've signed in and sent it back- so as soon as they sign in, we've got 10 days to get everything we need in order- appraisals, inspections, loan in order- etc. then after those 10 days, we are kind of committed.

like committed in the way the bank says the would want to close escrow on march 19th.

yeah. that's what- 43 days away?

do you have any idea how much junk we have accumulated in 4 years of living in the same place? paint a very ugly picture in your head, succumb to the fetal position and start to cry.

nah. actually, i am looking forward to moving. looking forward to releasing some of the junk and clutter that has filled our home.

and how am i keeping myself sane with the idea of 3 tiny kids, me exhausted and sick with pregnancy and the thought of up and packing any time?

i'm remembering all the other countless things that i need to get done before i can even think of packing!

for instance- i have that baby shower to plan- and it would be best if i could get invites out (this week) and the entire shower planned, and anything needed for it (including gift) set aside and ready to go.

i also have a baby turning 1 next month. i'm not really going to do a big party, just family- and just whatever family is around. no invites- but i do want to have a cake made for him.

and that brings me to sewing projects! i need to figure out what to make for the both my soon to be 1 year old- and 2 other babies that are coming into this world. i don't think any of my friends have birthdays between now and then.

but campbell will be turning 4, and it would probably be best if i had his birthday planned out too.

so those are the things that i am going to be trying to fill my time with over the next 2 weeks. i'll let all of you know how the house thing turns out.

2 days off nail biting, and i am proud of myself!

ok, back to the 12 am sewing project- i'll charge my camera and try to take flattering pictures.

sluggish

yup. that's me. sluggish. i was just literally staring at a wall. is there nothing to do? ha! if only. i feel like i have become utterly removed from my life. i can't keep blaming the new baby growing inside of me because if i were to be truthful and look pretty close i would remember that back during the christmas fiasco of gift making i pretty much checked out on most areas of my life as well.

i'm really not sure how to get back on track, and its bumming me hard. and true, the new baby doesn't help things- because every time i get the notion that i can jump up and start taking back my life, i get tired and nauseated and end up back on the couch.

it is a fairly vicious cycle.

even though i have children who need to be taught and played with (i haven't completely neglected them, but i am a WAY better mom to them in my dreams), a house that needs to be constantly cleaned, a house that may need to be packed and moved, a birthday gift that needs to be sewed, a baby shower that needs to be planned, and creations created from my own brain.

and that's the really short list.

if i added, children's clothes that needed to be sorted and re-boxed, children's clothes and toys that need to be donated, my clothes that need to be sorted and donated, a garage that needs to be cleaned, books that need to read, stories that need to be written, titles to vehicles tracked down, school journals to be made, excitement to create, lessons to learn, people to love, bills to be paid, cobwebs to be dusted, and christmas gifts that i really should start working on now. well that might begin to overwhelm me. and those are all the things that i can see from the couch.

i wonder what i need to see change to be a better wife and mother.

i know of one really tiny superficial thing, that is going to seem really crazy. and i am sure most of you are expecting- less tv, less internet, less self-loathing.

nope. stop biting my nails.

i've currently nit off 4 fingernails. it's an incredibly annoying habit that i have had my whole life, and i believe i started biting off one nail during the last Amazing Race season finale (new season starts on the 14th!!!! woo-hoo) and then a couple others fell victim. this may seem really odd, but when i get into the groove of biting my nails it causes me to stop doing everything else.

weird, right? it literally slows down my productivity, and once i start i just can't stop.

ok. so my small tangible goal.

to post a picture of my 10 glorious fingers in 1 month.

March 2nd. Coincidently, that is my next appointment for new baby 4. i had my first appointment today. the nurse lied in my chart about my weight gain. when i lied about what my pre-pregnancy weight was, she didn't believe that i could have already gained that much. i started crying a little inside. and so she wrote down a different number. of course it doesn't help when your huge gut is hanging out and you realize the baby is below your huge gut.

sigh. sob. sigh.

baby 4 has a heartbeat. all the ladies at the maternity health center are so happy to see me again (seriously, i am their favorite, and i love it) and they are all hoping for pink.

i am too. but more importantly, hoping for healthy.

ok, it's 10 to 8. time to clean up my kitchen, cuddle my 3 1/2 year old, and maybe work on the birthday gift that needs to be done by friday.

so hold me accountable- 10 finger nails by March 2.

i'm pregnant- they should grow fast.