i hope i don't lose any readers....

but i truly hate spiders. i know one isn't supposed to "hate", but really, i absolutely hate spiders.
and somehow i think they know it.
i'm not sure where my hatred of spiders came from, but lately it seems to be magnified.
i seem to be un-naturally attracted to spiders, with an odd sense of "spidey" vision. really, i do. i can spot a spider emerging from a hiding place from a freakish distance. i think i might actually be able to sense spiders when they are in my presence.
but still, at every appearance of a spider my blood runs cold and chills overwhelm my body and i think it must be on me.
which reminds me. i would kindly love to stop shedding like a mad woman, because every tiny hair that leaves my head and floats to my arms runs panic through my bones. and quite to often sam and the kids wonder why i am doing an odd arm waving dance.
lately spider time has gotten worse. ever since the stairs to our laundry went in and we were able to utilize our "first" garage as a family/play room i have been on high stress alert for those 8 legged monsters. you see, the family room has a throw rug on the concrete- but everything else is concrete, with some brief exposure to the outside. it is a great deal cooler in the family room, but it comes at a great cost to me to be done here enjoying it. i am constantly awaiting for emerging horror. and so far, i have found one almost every day.
its the worst when the kids have their toys everywhere, strung on the floor. because i just know (and have been been proven correctly) that when i go to grab a toy to put in its home that it will cause a scattering of spider to race away.
growing up, my bedroom was in a basement. converted basement i should say. our laundry room was not finished. i think i finally begged my parents for the attic bedroom because of my fear of spiders (and my growing addiction to the fumes of bug spray). one memory will always stand out it my mind. i was hanging out in my room and from the corner of the wall a huge spider crept on the floor. i grabbed my spray and went nuts. as i was moving something out of the way a SECOND spider appeared, equally huge, requiring even more spray.
it was awful.
the laundry room in our home growing up with unfinished, with stairs that led to our carport and concrete steps. hanging webs would loom. and because this was a basement laundry room and far away from the rest of the house we maintained a strict "drop dirty clothes on the floor" and let them wildly pile up. when i was taught how to do laundry, i can remember the horrid fear that would arise when you would grab dirty clothes from the floor and pray that nothing would be moving on them or under them.
usually there was.
i will never know how my mother, who did the vast majority of our laundry handled this. was she not afraid of spiders? or did she maintain a level of bravery just for her children's sake.
my sister had the worst experience. when our laundry was clean, it was folded and stacked and left on a counter in the laundry room. apparently my sister had grabbed clothes to wear and left for school. it wasn't until later in the morning when she had removed her sweatshirt in class did she realize perched upon her chest was an inhabitant of our basement laundry room.
and now, my laundry is in a basement. i have returned to concrete floors and fear of leering guests.
i am ashamed to admit that in our family room/play room/laundry room that i have sent my children to the front of the battle field. blame it on the growing belly and exhaustion (cause its really a handy excuse for this) but i simply perch myself on the couch- after investigating it carefully for anything that moves- and with a shoe in my hand (for squashing) i carefully instruct my children on what toys to pick up, what clothes to throw in the hamper, etc.
all the while prepared to attack anything that has attached itself to a toy.
i am a woos.
and i think the spiders are retaliating against me. the other morning when i went to finish a purse i was sewing, i started to iron out the fabric and a tiny little baby spider scampered across the fabric- quickly, to meet its twin.
2 baby spiders on my fabric, which were quickly met by a third. of course this had me scaling the walls searching for more, the dead fear in my heart that an egg had somehow hatched without my knowing.
and can you even imagine how disgusting it would have been if i had ironed a spider into my fabric.
yuck.
the very next morning i noticed a bigger "momma" spider in the curtain of the same room. luckily sam was on his way home and was able to assist me in the removal of that visitor.
needless to say, i truly despise spiders. i really don't like many bugs in general. but i am frustrated by spiders, because ultimately i do see their purpose- to kill the other bugs.
but why God? why?
a talking cucumber once asked a grape (who was acting as an angel) if God ever makes mistakes. this wise grape answered no, never.
but in his mind, "the jury's still out on spiders."
truer words.
and yes. i did just write an entire post on why i hate spiders.