I feel such peace. I feel like i am truly seeing the truth separates from the lies. I feel like I can stand solid in the Word of God and pull all of my confidence and strength from His truth- not my own understanding- but simply trusting in His loving goodness.
My comfort in Him is being so thoroughly developed: aha- so this is what a trial starts to do!!
I am in it.
This trial that was known before I was formed in my mothers womb- I will not complain- the second i complain I question who God is.
I have tried very purposefully to never ask "why", throughout all of this. There are so things I ask why about- but I never ask God "why did this happen", because I know why. We live in a fallen world, we are a sinful people in need of a Savior. I am a sinful woman in need of my Savior.
I will never be perfect- this is not an excuse or a cop-out: but He is perfect, and I will seek Him, I will seek Him everyday. Somedays i will fail miserably, and somedays I will be of use to my Lord.
I feel like I have been so lost, living in muddled confusion, desperate for the truth, and it was always there- He is the truth.
I finally feel found.
If you know me, you know I can't help my rock out with earbuds in, and I have a problems with air drumming, i have issues with corn in food where it shouldn't be (like outside of being on the cob) and I quote way to many tv shows.
There's a scene on scrubs where JD is told to beware of a tackling Ahltimzers patient. This patient leaps and tackles JD shouting, "who am I?"
Who have I been?
I have been a girl who has not leaned on her Lord and Savior for all of her strength, and that has left me on shakey ground. I have not been the wise man who has built his house upon the rock, but instead on the sand.
Guess what? That gets to stop. Either the Lord is my strength or He isn't. Either I embrace the pain of my trials and count it all joy, or i don't. Either His is my everything, or He isn't.
He is my strength, I have joy, He is my everything.
God uses everything for His glory. And this girl knows that. This girl believes it. This girls trusts it from her head to her toes.
I either live the truth of God's Word and Love Him or I turn away.
And I have seen firsthand what that looks like. No more, never again.
The Lord is the giver of strength, He is my shield, He is my comfort, He is my constant companion, He never leaves me- and i get that. I can see this. I trust this.
This is really happening.
"go on, go on, if you were thinking that the worst was yet to come, why am i the one always packing up my stuff? for once, for once I get the feeling that i am right where i belong, why am the one always packing up my stuff?"
Every single thing in my life brings me back to this;
I am in the Lord's Hands, i am His daughter, I will call Him Lord and i will seek His name. I am RIGHT where He has me.
And all I can do, is wake up each morning, with Proverbs 3:5-6 on my heart, and tell the Lord that i do not know what the day will bring- but I will seek Him with all that I do.
And then do that.
I did not just eat an entire bag of mini Cadbury eggs. I did not.
There are still 4 in the bag.
My thankfulness to the Lord is my heart. It makes my heart swell insanely.
Great is the Lord and worthy of praise.
Be strong and take heart and wait on the Lord.
Joy, peace, love, faithfulness, gentleness, patience, goodness, kindness, self-control.
Cast my fears on Him.
Be strong and very courageous.
The goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Be still and know that He is God.
The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.
Not a sparrow falls.
He feeds the birds of the fields.
He made this day.
He knows the desires of my heart.
He made me.
He loves me.
He is love.
He is my God, my Savior.
The Creator of the Universe who gave His only son to perish on a cross wants me to not only love Him, but He wants to love me, and He wants to bless my life, He wants me to trust and obey that even if I don't understand what is happening, that He is in control and that in all my ways I can acknowledge Him and He will be there on my path.
I called, He answered. He came to my rescue, and I only want to be where He is.
"it's all alright, i guess it's all alright, I've got nothing left inside of my chest: but it's all alright"
Thank you Lord for using everything for Your Glory, I will draw near to you, and You say in Your Word, that you will draw dear to me.