And sometimes I take a step back and don't say what I want, which I am sure is hard for a lot of you to believe. But believe it, I have been holding my tongue as of late.
There is one thing that I do want to talk about today.
Being thankful to the Lord. Honestly, it is the one thing that consistently gets me back on track. I rest fully and wonderfully in knowing that the Lord loves me, that He will mold me into the woman He wants me to be, and that He wants good for me, not pain. He is the Sovereign King- ruler of all- not a sparrow falls from the sky that He doesn't know about.
Not a sparrow.
Not a moment of my life is out of His Hands.
I am thankful and I have joy. Things have been painful. Things have hurt- but the Creator of the Universe has me in a trial to better me for His use. This is the ultimate training. I have the opportunity to recognize that every single painful word spoke at me, every painful memory, every reminder, is something the Lord will use for my good.
I have an urgency to be still before my Lord, to rest, perched on His shoulders letting Him shield me from the pain. And sometimes the pain still comes- BUT: I have His Word, the truth, the comforts of the Psalms, the wisdom of Proverbs, and lately a newfound appreciation for Isaiah. It is a Living Word- and it is the solid ground that I must stand on, all other ground is sinking sand.
I am so not perfect. And I don't crave perfection for others- I want to please the Lord. And i realize more and more that the only way I can stay calm and rest in Him is to be still and wait for the Lord.
And not speak.
I don't feel muzzled- I simply am finding wisdom in not muddling my words, but simply to stick to the truth and God's Word.
Everything else is sinking ground.
my heart right now is for my children. such a rare opportunity to be one roll right now- mother- and i am thankful to the Lord for this- my children are my great ministry, He has given me these beautiful little crazy creations, and I serve my Lord in the way I love and raise and train them.
And in doing this, the Lord pulls me closer to Him- I need my eyes on Him, my heart focused on the Truth, and to be standing on the solid rock.
This whole situation is honestly harder than I thought possible.
But: what makes me weak shows how strong He is.
because what I will tell you is this- He only is sustaining me, He is giving me strength to face each day: and each day He gives me is one more than I deserve.
He loves me.
I want this experience in my life to be life changing- I want to be stronger in the Word, i want to see every moment as an opportunity to be thankful for the Lord, and I want I count it all joy.
It is all joy. Perserverance in the greatest race ever, this life that is temporary, these moments just that: a moment in time and then: heaven with Him.
Lord, i am so thankful for the truth of your Word and for the freeing truth You have given me.
This morning in church, with my sister-in Christ and best friend at my side, we sang;
"I called, You answered, You came to my rescue, and all i want is to be where you are".
That is my prayer Lord. Sobbing uncontrollably in a bathtub 2 1/2 months ago, seeking Your help, I called and a little more than 24 hours later you answered. YOU came to my rescue. And even though the pain is still burning- You are my comfort, You are my strength, I can rest in Your love and Your mercy.
Lord you are so mercy.
And as this airplane jerks around like a low budget amusement park ride, I fear not with a smile on my face, with my best friend at my side, I know You are in control, always and forever You will rule my life, I will fail and fail again- but Lord my desire is to know You more, to Love you with all my heart, and to serve You.
You give me so much more than I deserve. I will not complain for the trials that produce what You want in me.
Your sovereignty is either my greatest comfort or my worst nightmare.
I am comforted.