colors of the rainbow

oven grilled asparagus drizzled with extra virgin olive oil, 

red seedless grapes, 

2 eggs scrambled with spinach, mushroom and just a dash of feta. 

 yumm.

this is my new goal.  i feel like i have been having a pretty strong emotional battle in my brain as of late.  i have struggled with the weight of my body my entire life.  i actually lost weight after i got married (apparently that is a time you put it on) and then had Campbell.  and by his first birthday i was at my lowest weight ever.  then pregnant with Mason.  after her birth i flew into weight watchers head strong.  got to my new lowest weight ever.  to only find myself pregnant again.

well, here is my emotional battle: i don't really want to go back to weight watchers.  its an excellent program, but i just don't want to spend the rest of my life counting every ounce of what i eat.  so how do i get back down to my old size? i still have 19 pounds to go.  that is a lot.  

next week i can be given the green light to exercise.

will exercise alone work?

i know i have a great starting point- because i do know what choices aren't the best to make as far as eating.  but that doesn't mean i want to pass up on foods that are fun to eat.

exercise and moderation.  water and the colors of the rainbow.

my goal- to be eating more fruits and veggies.  my biggest goal is to try and get at least 3 servings of veggies in one meal.  salads. i love love love salad.  and i have been taking the time to add them back into my diet.

i don't want to be watching the number i weigh so intently that i stop enjoying life.  i mean, technically i am just 1 quarter of a pound away from being in a healthy bmi.  

well, i could waste valuable time taking about this.

i just want to pray that i will find my self-worth in what i should.  but not let that be an excuse to gorge.

who knows, maybe i'll just end up pregnant again and this won't even be an issue.

but i will still eat the colors of the rainbow.

wednesday why.

why can't tnt get their shows started on time? recently all of our law and orders have started anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes past when the tivo starts recording them.

this is very frustrating.  i don't care about nba wrap up, and i really could care less to know the last 5-10 minutes of random episodes of charmed.

and why am i watching law and order in the afternoon, while blogging, instead of sewing?  maybe the baby leaning up against my leg sleeping is a good excuse.

and why aren't the other 2 sleeping?

time for myself

at a baby shower yesterday, i found myself surrounded by school teachers.  school teachers seem to just know how to party.  that really do know how to relax and have a good time.

but i did find myself in a slightly awkward position.

i tend to get a lot of wide eyes when people find out i am the mom of 3 under 3.  the look of panic and concern and disbelief, and then pity.

sure it is challenging, but i do believe that the Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle.  and we sometimes don't realize that until we are in the situation.  i know i can handle this.  i may not feel that way everyday, but i know i can.

anyways, that is not what this post is about.

its about having someone tell me that "when your kids are in school, you'll have more time to yourself."

hmmm.  if i had wanted time for myself, i wouldn't have had children.  i had children because i wanted to have them, and i stay at home full time because i want to give them  my time.

i love having a little free time, used to blog, sew, watch tv with Sam, or play wii, or enjoy my friends.

but i love being home.  

please redirect me to this post on days that are hard and horrid.

but i do love being home.

and i am going to home school.  i am so excited about it.  committed to it.

and committed to raising children that will know the Lord, and i pray- will love Him.

and raising children who will be happy and content.  who will then spend time doing things they love, which will give me "time for myself" to do things i love.

i don't need school for time for myself.

i need discipline, and flexibility in myself.

and lots of prayer.

first family pic

there are so many pictures to go through from our fort bragg trip. i have to decide which one will be used with different gifts over the year, and which ones i'll post.  

but, this is our first family photo.  sorry you can't see henry.  he is the lump.

journals

as promised.  journals.  i love love love journals!

the notebook Sam bought me during Fort Bragg.  

it was such a wonderful surprise. i love it.

a second wonderful surprise. 2 new journals from my sister-in-law.

i want to use the flowers on top to use for embroidery.

and i do like keeping different journals for different things.  which may seem strange, i mean why not just use one journal at a time?  well, where is the fun in that?

currently, i have journals for the following purposes:

*things i need to do

*gifts for people

*homeschooling ideas

*our Bible Study

i do believe i will be adding new purposes soon.

*i'd like to force myself to write.  more than just blogging, but actually taking pen to paper. so i think keeping a journal of my thoughts, hopes, dreams, and random thoughts would be good for me.

*a journal for my ideas, because i do have a lot of ideas.

* a journal for devotions.

again, why so many journals? why not.

what's the happy hap

i really crack myself up sometimes.  so i had to share this story, because, well, i really cracked myself up.

so at fort bragg we saw a lot of turkeys.  a lot.  in fact our first morning at the rental house we awoke to a flock of turkeys in the front yard.  sam took the time to point out the "tom" to all of us.

well the next day as sam, jess, levi, and myself (and henry) were driving into town, we pulled out of the rental house and noticed the turkeys in the road in the opposite direction.  so we were all looking at them.  

i asked, "where's the tom?"

so we all had our heads turned searching for the tom, to no avail.

so i said, "if this were a comedy movie, this would be the time where we would all be looking for the tom, only to turn our heads and find the tom on the hood of the van."

well... as you can imagine, the van was an uproar of laughter.

yes, i did just waste an entire blog post to brag about my amazing gift of humor.

seriously though, i really do crack myself up.

oh, and the happy hap?  its a line a quote all the time from Scrubs.  Turk says it.  and it always seems like a great thing to say.

the empty bench

i can't help but wonder, who should be sitting here. 

watching the ocean waves crash against the rocks.

i can't help but think of who has sat here.  

someone alone pondering life?  

couples sharing moments, families enjoying the colors?

i can't help but be scared.  

this empty bench makes life seem so real.

all the life that could be sitting on the bench.

and life that could be empty.

gone.

bare against the beautiful.

but with the most Beauty.

but here we may be alone.  

left alone.

to come back to an empty bench.

until we all will crowd on it together.

sweltering.

why oh why, is it hotter inside my house than outside my house?

and why oh why is my house the hot spot for tens of thousands of box elder bugs which prohibit us from keeping any windows open?

and why oh why is it this hot, when it is only April?

back and busy

i am back from Fort Bragg.  been back since late sunday night, but have slowly been trying to get back in the routine of things.

so i have a lot i want to blog about... but it seemed necessary to first do a little check in blog.

so this is me checking in! i am back.

and so busy.

between planning a baby shower, trying to plump up my baby, laundry, the heat, a birthday gift half down on my ironing board, another sewing project stuffed away in a drawer, a 3 year old who desperately wants me to resume "school books", a great reading curriculum set my father in law found me that i need to peruse, ahh books for myself i am desperate to read cover to cover, a brother in law i really want to spend more time with-playing settlers, a husband i want to laugh with, a daughter i want to cuddle and kiss, a baby i want to hold all day, 2 books of the Bible to read and catch up on, friends i am desperate to spend time with (Serena that's you!), and did i mention laundry?

back and busy.  that is me.

the ocean breeze.

i am feeling the ocean breeze. well not currently, but up until 5 minutes ago i could see the ocean from my seat. we had absolutely beautiful weather this morning: sunny and clear sky, not to warm, not to terribly breezy. however, the sun has hidden behind the clouds, and now it is gray and overcast- hence, why i cannot see the ocean.

we (sam and i and the kids) and sam's family are visiting fort bragg.

more to blog on this later. when i can post a few fun pictures of what we have been doing.

and show you pictures of the wonderful new journal sam bought me.

i have a horrid obsession with purses and journals. i love love love love journals. and i love having one for every different thing possible. hmmm... i could actually do a post just on journals. perhaps i shall. hee hee.

anyways. everyone enjoy your weekend. i am loving it here.

off to starbucks. and a thrift store.

Pleated Petal Tank ANTHROPOLIFICATION GIVEAWAY!!!!

Pleated Petal Tank ANTHROPOLIFICATION GIVEAWAY!!!!

my Easter projects

i am so happy with how my Easter projects turned out.

Mason in her sweet little Easter dress.  Made from Amy Butler's Little Stitches book.  I have made several projects from this book and am so happy with what is coming from it.

Me and Mason... yup, matching little outfits.  I made my skirt from this wrap skirt tutorial (and a lot of help from my friend Serena)

Campbell in his Easter shorts.  Which weren't made from a short pattern, but from a bloomers pattern lent to me by Serena.  I simply extended the length of the pants and didn't put elastic in the legs.  Presto.  Shorts.

Ok, no projects here- but they were too cute not to share a picture of!

i still haven't taken new pictures of the Easter bags that I made for the kids.  i will.

Easter was a really nice laid back day.

Easter had always been my favorite holiday to celebrate as a child.  not quite sure why, but it was.  

i hope that i can teach my children to love this holiday as well.  not for the eggs or the chocolate or the fun new clothes.  but because this holiday is the absolute celebration of love and hope.  we celebrate our risen Savior.  and what He did for us on the cross.  and after becoming a mother i can slowly begin to grasp the love my Savior has for me.  very slowly.

He is Risen.

money.

today i feel really tired of stuff.  sick and tired of all this clutter in my house.  i asked (made) Sam take the two older kiddos and leave for a bit.  Sam has been great- a huge help, making meals, changing diapers, and letting me get lots of extra sleep.  but still... he isn't me, and he doesn't see the "mess" i see, and he doesn't always put things where they are supposed to go.

so after 3 weeks of keeping things low key, i needed to try and play a bit of catch up.

hard to do when there is so much laundry it makes my head hurt (the enormous amount of laundry is in part due to a family of 5, and not made any lighter by the fact that we have tried to potty train Campbell- lots of accidents means more dirty clothes, and Henry has been projectile spitting up, and has been making a huge mess on lots of things).

anyways.

while racing around as quickly as i could to get some things done, i just couldn't help but notice how much junk... i mean stuff... we have.  it just feels like too much stuff!

and then i had to move some clothes into bins out in the garage, and there we have even more JUNK!

and i feel a little like the walls are just pushing in around us.

3 little kids.  the inability to play outside (weather and box elder bugs make it impossible).  

and money.  i know that eventually we will need to move.  and that just makes me stress about money.  because i don't really earn any income for this little family.

and i spend.

so as i was engulfing in all of this stuff, i think about what i often do.

i'll say this: "i have everything i need, i don't need anything else".... but... and then i list off many different things that "would be nice to have".

well i am tired of doing that.  i am really sick of tired of thinking that i need something new.

i am tired of spending money when we have so much stuff.

so, for the rest of the year, this is the only stuff i want to spend extra money on:

*gifts for others (includes showers and parties)

* notions for sewing.  i do not need any new fabric. i have so much.  and the 2 dollar sale just happened, so i will wait.  but i cannot say no money to spend on sewing- because occasionally i will need more thread, or bias tape or a zipper.

* crayons and stickers at the dollar tree.  little Campbell loves to play with these things, and we do run out of these.

*vacations and camping

*homeschooling supplies (i am going to try and not spend more than $75 dollars in this year)

well i don't know how well i will stick to this.  but i really want to.

i just want to be content.  and i am really content.  i need to get rid of some of this clutter and stop buying the little things we don't need.

sometimes being a grown up just isn't fun.

my empty freezer

well my freezer really isn't empty at all.  it is in fact jammed full of tons of different foods to be consumed.  however, it is missing the one thing i wanted tonight: vanilla ice cream.  we were given a strawberry rhubarb pie two nights ago.... and it really sounds better warmed with vanilla ice cream.  

but, alas.  all we have is rocky road.  and i do not like that.  serves me right for telling sam "just don't get coffee ice cream" for now i will amend that to, "not coffee and not rocky road".

well, i had decided (while on my wii fit balance board) that i wouldn't have pie and ice cream- just ice cream.  hmmm. i really don't want pie.

so perhaps a bowl of cereal?

i've seen those kellogs commericals, and they talk about not undoing your whole day- and having their fancy flakes with chocolate pieces.

that personally sounds disgusting.  because i ONLY like cheerios.  just plain, and with a ton of really cold milk.  the milk has to be cold.

which is why i am not consuming cereal right now- because sam just went out 20 minutes ago and go the milk, and it may not be cold enough.

why such a boring post?  well, i was going to post pictures of finished "Easter" bags that i made for all 3 kiddos.  however, i hate the way the pictures turned out.  and seeing that we have a fancy new lens for our camera, i know i can take better pictures than that.

so i am boring you with stories of ice cream and cereal.

but it really branches at a deeper level in my core.

weight.

the hardest part for me about pregnancy is the weight gain.  and now, here i am with my beautiful new little boy, and i have the wonderful energy (ish) and this exciting new jest for life (seeing that my energy and excitement is no longer growing a child) and i feel rejuvenated and beautiful.

and then i look in the mirror.  or try to put on pants that don't have elastic.

and i feel slightly crushed.

and yes, i know that it has only been 2 weeks... blah blah blah.

i am just saying my mood doesn't match what i see.

i lost a lot of weight after mason.

almost 20 lbs in 10 weeks- for a wedding i was in.

and then a few days after the wedding, found out i was unexpectedly expecting henry.

and was crushed.

but now, things have changed for me.

i'm not as in a hurry to "lose it all" (although i wish i could somehow now lose it all, but be in my old clothes again, it just doesn't work that way)

i don't want to necessarily go back to weight watchers ( it is a fantastic program).  but i have small kids, and a life, and i don't want to be constantly nitpicking every single thing i eat.

after doing the program twice before i do know how to make smart changes.

1) i no longer drink coffee creamer (i was using more than my daily amount of points on coffee creamer alone)

2) and go easy on the cheese (another thing i overly ingested)

well, this really as turned into nothing of real importance at all.

i just really wanted to blog tonight, and my pictures didn't turn out, and henry just finished nursing for a session of almost 3 hours.  off and on....

and i finally had the opportunity to sit and type.

sorry if this was incredibly boring.

but i think i will go and eat my cheerios now.

and remind myself that my body will return.  9 months on 9 months off.

and really, my body isn't what i really want to be known for.

i want to be known for following the first commandment, loving the Lord, and loving people.

hmmmm....

trucks.

Wednesday Why

    

Why do big trucks pass other trucks? And not just pass one truck- but think it would be cool to just go ahead and pass every truck that could be on the road in a 10 mile span of road?  I mean, aren’t they supposed to be going 55 miles per hour?  So shouldn’t they all be? And even if one is going slow- why do you have to pass and make everyone else drive 40 miles an hour?

Why oh why?

when swallowing is unfun

am i developing allergies as an adult? because i am not sick with a cold, but i have that horrid flem/congestion feeling in the back of my throat.  arg. i just hate that feeling.

could it be allergies? the weather here has been windy and sunny and windy and cold... and well- windy.  the wind is moving lots of allergens around.  

who knows? 

just something i am going to have to deal with, cause i can't take anything for it.

but maybe i can get sam to make me some special tea.

hmmmm... yup that sounds yummy.

birthday fun

i made these fun cupcakes for Campbell's third birthday party.  they were a bit of work, but well worth it, when Sam brought Campbell into the kitchen to see them and his little face lit up and he said, "Cookie Monster!" 

ahhh.  the sweet payoff.

and the fact that they were absolutely delicious.

i used this cupcake recipe.

and i used for the frosting.

the entire Cookie Monster recipe was inspired by this blog, which i found through One Pretty Thing.

a little bit gross

last friday i had quite the disgusting day. 

it all started in the morning.  i was sitting on the floor (so i could feel the heat from our wall heater) nursing Henry and using the kids art table to rest my coffee.  Campbell finished his breakfast and jumped down from the table.  he came over to stand by me and look at baby Henry.  as he is standing over me, he sneezes.

i am leaving out an important detail.  Campbell still had a full mouth of his breakfast- egg.

oh- and he sneezed on me- in my hair.

i shrieked for Sam.  who came and stood over me, and his face said it all.

then of course there was Mason who was standing next to me, eyeing my hair in the same way Newman eyes Kramer in an episode of Seinfeld where Kramer smells like all roasted after sunbathing on the roof.

that was grossness one.

grossness two was the massive dirty diaper Mason had for me.

grossness three involved potty training Campbell and a pooh incident.  fun stuff.

so then i take Henry to the doctors office for a weight check.

the nurse weighs him and i take him back to the little table (he's of course naked) and as i am trying to put a clean diaper on him, he starts peeing and poohing- everywhere.  i mean it is going all up the table and down on the floor.  it was awful.  over his clothes- on the diaper i was about to use- just everywhere.

so i finally get him dressed and we have to head back over to get his heel pricked.

as i am getting him out of the van i realize that my sleepy wrap is all messed up from nursing him while still wearing him. after 2 frustrating attempts to get him in properly, i tear the wrap off and carry him inside.

smart decision.  about 2 minutes after we get inside Henry has a projectile spit up attack.  

this was all before 12:00

oh well. being a mom means you don't smell very good, and that you spend a lot of time cleaning up nastiness.  which i can handle. i do cloth diapers.

i did get to end the day with a hair cut (someone else shampooing your hair is AMAZING) and fun with Sam and our Wii fit.

all days won't be so gross.

awhile back

ah. the luxury of blogging on the couch, next to my beautiful sleeping boy, watching 24, and sipping a latte.  hee hee, i can thank my husband for making all of those things possible (buying me my laptop, his contribution to the beautiful baby, his obsession with 24 and making me my latte).

i had been blogging all of my goals of things to do- but have yet to show any of the things i have finished.  

so here we go- hope no one is overloaded!

also, my apologies if i have already posted pictures about any of these pictures.

a pillowcase dress... not great- i can do better!

Campbell's Easter Shorts... still need to post Mason's little dress

Henry's burp cloths

Kris's birthday purse- kinda my design.. i'd call it the Birdie Hobo (cause those were the 2 purses that inspired me), I also did a wallet, but i am not impressed with it- hence not picturing it!

little August's baby quilt

 (if i named a quilt this would be called "she thinks she can sew straight")

the back of August's baby quilt

embroidery on a burp cloth

Campbell's birthday backpack... he loves it!

beautiful....

i am so happy that spring is here.  its so beautiful outside, and i love being able to let my little ones run around outside.  

thank you Lord for the renewing comfort of the sunnier weather.

and thank you to my dear friend Krystin for these beautiful yellow daffodils.  where i live they just bloom everywhere.

the new weather deemed it appropriate for a new background.

3 years...

happy birthday to my sweet little boy.  i can't believe you have turned 3.  since i have a tiny baby in my arms that absolutely looks like you, it literally feels like yesterday you were a baby.  and now, you are 3.

how did this happen? where did the time go?

i love you so much, happy birthday Campbell.  i can't wait to see what you do this year.

for more on my sweet boys's birthday you can go here.