all the things

Of all the things I wish I had done today, I'm not quite sure if it could have been a much better day. The last two days have been so wonderful and relaxed.  I mean in spite of a quick run up to the ER for little Campbell and unexpected guests showing up.  The last 2 days have shown that nothing really goes as I may plan, but now that there is no real schedule to keep (just my schedule) it really is ok.  

It is weird to feel really laid back.  For me that seems really weird.  We had friends over for dinner tonight. Which for me has meant in the past racing around like a mad woman, trying to clean rapidly, keep things clean, and have dinner perfect and ready to present right when our guests walk in the door.

Lately, i've just kinda been wondering: who wants to live like that? Some people.  I did, and maybe someday I will want to again, but now- I have 2 little people in my home who make things very unpredictable.

So, at 4:30 I wasn't rapidly cleaning my house (I knew I had vacuumed yesterday and cleaned the bathroom yesterday as well- that's clean enough) instead I watched my beautiful little girl waddle around the house, clutching a little monkey that we call her baby (and she calls her baby and will lovingly hug and pat her back).  

And at 5 I finally decided to start dinner, our guests showed up 15 minutes early, and it really was ok.  Dinner was served eventually, and it was good.

I know, this is a fairly stupid post.  But I have so much renewed peace and calm and joy.  I am just really happy.  And I am realizing that just letting myself be calm and go with the flow, is working for me.

I would no way describe myself as laid back... I am wound pretty darn tight.  But I feel like I am slowly letting a little go, and I'm not panicking by it, I'm embracing it, enjoying the time.