the darkness and happiness.

i'm not 30. it just can't be possible. i'm air drumming for crying out loud. i throw in my earbuds and dance around my bedroom. i just can't be 30. not when i feel 16 half the time, not when half the people who see me think i am 23. i just can't be 30. really? how? how is that possible?
i'm just so spry.

but i'm thankful. i'm thankful, i start a new decade of my life focused on the Lord. i'm thankful for the 4 beautiful children that i love.

115) the silly things my children say throughout the day, i can barely remember half of them, and even when i am most frustrated, i think that if i were just to rest in what they say, i would find all my happiness.

116) for fixed and returned computers. missing computers are lame.

117) for the ability to air drum in the privacy of my bedroom.

118) music that still isn't loud enough in my ears, but it makes me happy.

119) for sweet Cedar. her heart makes me happy, i wish i could wrap my arms around her and love on her. i know the pain she feels, and it sucks. and she is sweet and repentant. and so very close to my heart.

120) my friend Courtney for taking me out for beers (3) that's right, i drank 3 beers. how cool am i am?

121) fish tacos. be still my heart. i love fish tacos.

122) my earbuds. and the music that loudly plays in them.

123) i'm thankful my best friend had a wonderful day with her family. i don't know yet if it were wonderful, but i love her to pieces.

124) everyday we get closer to sweet Hope arriving in this world. and that makes me happy.

125) as i hand my children over to visitation with Sam and his family, i realize how much harder this would be if i were still breastfeeding, and i am thankful for God's perfect timing.

126) for the Format. or the band that was the Format, and is now FUN. either way, i love their music. all of it. and it blares in my ears.

127) i'm thankful for the creative brain that the Lord has given me.

128) for being up high on a seesaw, choosing to see the good. all the good. but thankful for the balance that the Lord provides. He loves me.

129) for punching in a dream. i'm punching in a dream, heck, i'm punching in mid air.

130) for hope. i have so much hope. hope in a friendship with Cedar, hopefulness in more truth, hopefulness in the Lord. hope in what He will do with me. not can do- WILL DO!

131) gaining confidence. in Him. in what He will do.