Saturday, February 4, 2012

i am a dork.

maybe a dork for Jesus. i have such an incredible freedom that i am simply basking in. i know that i use the word "basking" in a lot. but i am. i feel like i could lay out in the grass letting the suns rays just beam down and heat my whole body. forever. and i will never get burned. i am in the light, and i am not leaving the light of the Lord.
and there is such freedom in loving and serving the Lord. there is such freedom in seeking Him with every breath that i take.
and even when i briefly stumble, i can reach out to Jesus, He is always there.
the Lord is teaching me control today. GOD is Sovereign. He is in control. that's it. no one else. no matter how hard i try to organize, situate, and move things along at my speed- HE is in control. and you know what? His timing as been absolutely spot on, so what on earth do i think that i can do- is my timing better than His? could someone please slap me quickly in the face?
His Timing. He is Sovereign. He loves me. And i SURRENDER all to Him. i will follow Him, i will take comfort in He who created me.
and i will sing, i will worship, i will praise, i will read my Bible.
and you know what else, i'm going to quote my personal journal to the Lord this morning, i have been nestled up stairs in my room, praying, seeking, trusting (thanks to my dad downstairs managing my kids)
i cannot push this divorce faster down this path- i cannot, it is the LORD who has me now. He has me, He is protecting me, He is carrying my load- and You know what- now that He is carrying it, it frees me up to bring Glory to Him. to Love Him, to Trust Him- to be an obedient daughter, to glorify Him through being a mother, a friend, a sister, a daughter.
and to write. Lord i will write.
Lord be my constant comfort, I know that i can trust in You I know that I can rely on You alone for everything.

last night i was so overwhelmed by the Lord's thankfulness to me that i had to drive around. not because drive's give me solace, but because i needed the privacy of the dark, and being alone to privately worship the Lord. i might have pitch problems. or key problems. but in the dark of my van when only the Lord is hearing me, it doesn't matter. and it was wonderful. songs sung loud to my Savior. my heart worshiping Him, passion so strong for where He has me, and how He is constantly drawing me close.
i know it might seem odd, to be this happy, in my situation. i can only say this, that the love of Jesus doesn't leave you empty, that the Lord will take the most brokenhearted and restore them, love them, protect them, care for them, give them all that they need.
Jesus loves you, He died for you, He wants to carry the load for you.
i have been finding a lot of comfort in the book of 1 John, my favorite book of the Bible. followed next by Hebrews, than James. then Numbers. just kidding. Numbers is long. real long. and not exactly a baby naming book either.
several passages i've had underlined in my Bible:
1 John 1: 5-10
This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you; God is light in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. if we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.
1 John 2: 3-7
We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in the him must walk as Jesus did.
1 John 2:17 the world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.
1 John 3:1-3
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God. And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.
1 John 3: 16-20
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us, For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
1 John 4: 16-18
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives our fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 5:1-5
Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God; by loving God and carrying out his commands. This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not BURDENSOME. for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

when you seek Him, you will find Him. He will not hide from those who want to love Him.

1 comment:

  1. The dork comment made me think of this: "Foolishness for Christ refers to behavior such as giving up all one's worldly possessions upon joining a monastic order. It can also refer to deliberate flouting of society's conventions to serve a religious purpose — particularly of Christianity. The term fools for Christ derives from the writings of Saint Paul. Saint Francis of Assisi and other saints acted the part of Holy Fools, as have the yurodivy of Eastern Orthodox asceticism. Fools for Christ often employ shocking, unconventional behavior to challenge accepted norms, deliver prophecies or to mask their piety.[1] There are also parallels in non-Christian traditions such as the Avadhuta (Sanskrit) and adepts of crazy wisdom. There are also parallels in the Islamic tradition amongst the Malamatiyya Sufis."