Tuesday, February 7, 2012


i'm tired. it was a long and wonderful day. joy seeped out of me like a faucet that couldn't be turned off. the things that usually frustrated me with my children were still frustrating, but i didn't care, i loved them, and i sought compassion and gentleness with them.
my mind faltered a couple of times. the thing that i struggle with the most is the pattern of lies. how for my entire marriage i was with someone who was involved with other woman. and how for so long i didn't know. how does the person you trust the most in the world, who you believe could never hurt you, sleep with another woman and you never be the wiser? how could he do this over and over again, i just never knew? how did he have a girlfriend for 9 months and i didn't know. how could he take her to my disneyland? and what were these girls thinking when i would come into starbucks with our children?
foolish, i tend to feel foolish.
for about 1/2 a second- and then RELIEF! FREEDOM! the Lord lifted me out of the worst situation of my life and has given me more love and kindness than ever imaginable. The Lord used everything sam ever did to bring me closer to Him. and i don't have to go back. i never have to go back. all of the pain is worth it. all of it. because i am forever in a better place.
the Lord's got me. He's got me. He loves me.
and i am thankful.

86) i'm thankful for friendships that carry me through the day.

87) there's a window outside of wilder's bed, and you can see it from the staircase, when he wakes up you can see him standing in his crib peering out the window, when he catches your eyes he gets so very excited.

88) for a best friend that texts me throughout the day, always wanting to add cheer to my life.

89) for a mom, who tonight, sent me out for an hour so i could get a wonderful break from a full day with my children.

90) sitting in a crowded Christian coffee shop, and happily chatting with anyone and everyone. for so long i have felt like nothing, and now the Lord has lifted me into His arms, and i feel amazing. and i hope my light in the Lord shines out.

91) smiles directed my way. from anyone and everyone.

92) for the meditating on the Word of God and working harder to memorize more and more of it into my heart.

93) embroidery floss and a needle and thoughts and prayers that go into each stitch.

94) early morning workouts that energize me- and make me hungry.

95) indian food, and how much it makes me like to eat.


  1. I am so very happy for you! I just wish I could see you in this new state. Still praying for you!

  2. Is there any chance you will be in Portland day after tomorrow? Arly