so self-loathing and moping on the couch was what i did instead.
however! my week of work is over. and i only have 3 more days. and then never again. which is weird to say, because i am sure that in a few years i may get myself a fun part time evening job (few years is relative- this could be like 10, but i also tend to thrive on an overfull plate, and so i may find something in a few years- who knows, don't hold me to anything).
but you know what. i do have a job! a pretty darn full time job. the list of job requirements i have i think would be overwhelming to most people, plus when they see the hours i work- oh my. but i do love it. even when i am hating it, and frustrated, i love it.
but i am so ready to have my husband and my children be my full focus. i am excited to have nothing as a responsibility other than my husband, my children, my home, and being an encouragement to the people i love.
i love my husband, and i love my children.
and having my husband smile at me over his dinner, and my son reciting his memory verses, and my daughter toddling around always laughing at me, i know i can find my contentedness in this.
and i know why i am doing this. for my Lord. to be an example of His Love, and i know i fail all the time. but when i keep my mind focused on that. i may feel a little discouraged because i know that i have so far to go, but i find encouragement in it.
i hope and prayer is that i continue to grow. that i will be a better child of Christ, a more kind and loving wife, and a more patient, consistent, and loving mother.
all things through Him.