Friday, January 27, 2012

2 am

it's 2 am, and i am still awake. floored. is that the right spelling of that? i don't care. its 2 am. and i am floored with love for my Savior. Oh, how He loves me. confusion does not come from the Lord. and every time confusion starts to dip its head into towards me i remember the solid truth that i stand on: what is truth and what is a lie. what can i trust and what has no weight anymore.
no one can tell me what to do. i can only seek the Lord's guidance and wisdom. i can only seek the Lord, desperately, desperately.
i am clay, and i will allow myself to be molded. and i know that he has a very specific design for me. i am offering suggestions to Him, and i know and trust that He is designing me absolutely perfect for Him.
oh my Lord, you know my heart right now. in this very moment, beating so wildly in my chest. oh,how He loves us blaring loudly in my ears, my focus on You and what You are doing. everything is in Your control, and i FEAR NOT.
i fear not Lord. but i cling to You, i trust You, You have my best interest in mind, You have the best for me, You have found a way to pull me closer to You than i could ever imagine, and Lord the ultimate lesson of patience i am being taught right now.
i am waiting Lord. i am waiting for Your guidance.
Lord- speak to me through Your word, Lord, grant me peace in my decisions. Lord, take me to the place You have for me, Lord use me to serve You and bring glory to You.
this is not about me any longer, this is about You. Lord my love for YOU burns so violently inside my chest that i almost feel in pain, and honestly the horrible memories that try and burst into my mind are so quickly extinguished because how can anything last in there when my fire for You is so strong.
my God, my Savior, my Father, You know the desires of my heart, You know my obedience to be faithful to You. Lord, i ask you to give me wisdom and guidance. Lord, lead me down the path You have for me.
Lord give me the strength to make the decisions that need to be made.
Lord, am i being drawn closer to You in such a powerful way to be sent back, or to be sent forward? Lord, i pray that You give me peace, that You please give me Your peace.
and Lord, where my heart continues to come back to is this: i can only trust in truth. and everything else is a lie.
Lord, in Your perfect timing you took me out of the most chaotic living disaster and You never let me hit rock bottom, You granted me peace and love and mercy and through Your amazing Sovereignty You are teaching more and more of the woman i need to be- for You, for my children.
You are using me.
Lord, i will faithfully serve You no matter what you ask of me, and You know what i want.
so Lord, guide me.
Psalm 2:11 serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling.
Proverbs 16:3 Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed.
Proverbs 16: 9 In his heart the a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Lamentations 3: 22-26
because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassion's never fail, They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

oh Lord, my God, my Savior. find me in my deepest spot and tell me Your truth, close my ears to all the lies, and show me Your face. for when i seek You, i will find You, when i draw near to You, You will draw near to me.
My Lord. please. let me be but a humble servant who has obedience and trust in her Savior.


  1. i love you Mary. My heart is so full of joy to see you walking with our Savior and trusting Him so completely.

  2. The homeschool moms met yesterday and we had a special time of prayer for you and your family. You were missed! Just want you to know I love you and pray for you daily. I agree with the Jamisons -- what a joy to watch you trust God completely and find your strength in Him alone.