i have a lot of thoughts in my mind right now. a lot. divorce. the prodigal son. my relationship with the Lord. what the Lord has for me. what the Lord has given me. who i am. and i plan on writing about many of those.
but today, the Lord gave me a very literal example.
i drove myself to church today, sat through a convicting message on the sins of both the brothers in the prodigal son. sat through baby dedication and watched the happy marriages. felt the Lord pull on my heart as i realized how much i need HIM. and how i can't expect every message i hear to make me feel more vengeance for sam, but instead show me my ultimate need for MY Savior.
and then i was blessed to be invited to lunch with kris and adam platner and their beautiful children. so i got in my van and followed them. and it started to rain. hard. not terribly hard, but it is washington. and my windshield wipers don't work. and as i drove in my van, not getting frustrated at my situation with the faulty wipers, but instead was praying, asking the Lord to make my wipers work. i kept praying that. and then i stopped.
because i realized i didn't need my wipers to work. i needed the Lord to get me to my destination safely. and that even though in my mind fixing my wipers or even asking the Lord to stop the rain would be the "best" way to eliminate my fear- just praying for Him who loves me to guide me and carry safely to my destination. and as i slowly followed adam as he led the way to the restaurant and we got on the freeway where cars went faster and my vision was more blurred, i realized that i could still see. it wasn't perfect by any means, and it wasn't the best- but you know what- i was safe, the Lord had His Hand on me, and i arrived where i needed to go. He gave me what i needed to make it to where i needed to go. and the funny thing was that i could see clearly out my back window. no rain, and the wipers worked there. i could clearly see where i had been. but i needed the Lord to continue to move forward to where He was taking me.
and, this is EXACTLY what HE is doing right now in my life. this is NOT how i want my life to be. i think that "fixing my wipers" or "stopping the rain" would be very simple solutions to my current problem. i mean, logically, it makes sense to me.
but- the Lord wants me to trust solely in Him, that even though the path ahead i cannot see (as i could barely see in front of me in the van) that if i kept my eyes focused on Him (like i had to stay focused on adam's car) that i WILL get to where i am going, and that HE will keep me safe, and HE will be by side. i will survive.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness," Therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.